


:REunion

by atel1er



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, CCG Hide, Eventual Fluff, Gen, M/M, and im going with the theory of hide being in washuu clan, idk what to tag this really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:11:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3675234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atel1er/pseuds/atel1er
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He woke up without a memory about who he was, but he knows that he was supposed to be fighting ghouls and protecting everyone. That was what he was doing the past twenty years of his life, wasn't it?</p><p> A year later after his full recovery, Sasaki Haise is introduced to the Quinx Squad. A few months after, a certain blond named Hideyoshi Nagachika makes his way into his life- and his squad. After successfully completing the Nutcracker case, he discovers something about that strange yet familiar person and about himself...which might just be the key to regaining all the memories of his past.</p><p>( this is actually incomplete but since what i had in mind is already happening in the manga ( i caLLED IT ) i'm not going to continue this. just...read the manga. just read it. just do it. )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i want to go home, but it's too late.

**Author's Note:**

> hnng this is my first fic and i'm really bad at grammar/writing conventions / plot so please excuse the mess!  
> hoping to go somewhere with this and yea // i might come back and edit the chapters later if i decide to change the p lot, but this will be it for now! a comment/kudos would be appreciated!

Hide was tired. He was so tired and sick of this mission that he felt like dropping onto the floor and resting a bit. For the rest of his life. Not only did he have to go out of his way avoiding his superiors and keeping his own personal affair secret, there were also quite some ghouls that he had to provide other members backup with earlier ( though he wasn't even supposed to be in battle...). He had to blend into the background, and then finally snuck out when everyone else was busy fighting the second One Eyed Owl. Of course he felt bad; letting all the people who he associated with these past few months just run off to their inevitable deaths. But he wasn’t going to die for that. Hide had his own mission to accomplish.

He trudged, mumbling incoherent things to keep him focused that he was sure would land him into an asylum if anyone could hear him now.

“Kaneki, just where _are_ you?”

The sewers smelled awful, with the stench of blood mixed in with dirty water everywhere. Hide knew he signed up for this himself, but really, he just wanted to see him again. Knowing a person for pretty much half of his life would probably count as something if he was someone else, but Kaneki Ken was an enigma, even to Hide. After the incident, he just grew more and more distant, to somewhere Hideyoshi Nagachika was sure he could never reach. That being said, he knew he was close now.

The CCG had already annihilated Anteiku, the small coffee shop of the 20th ward along with its manager, Yoshimura. Kaneki probably knew that there wasn’t anywhere to go back to anymore. Still, Hide knew that Kaneki, for sure, would be here. There were no other options if he truly wanted to escape. Hide already planned things out. Saving Kaneki from the CCG’s grasps was only possible due to him having...special privileges that most other investigators wouldn’t have.

_“Lead Centipede to me, and I will see if he is worthy to be spared. After all, he was only human. But I have to see first if there is even any of that humanity left in him.”_

Up ahead, in the next tunnel, Hide could hear screaming, then silence, then screams again.  

Even if it sounded utterly heartbreaking, even if he never heard Kaneki like that, Hide knew that it was truly his best friend.

Summoning all his courage, Hide stepped forward until he could clearly see his best friend’s back, cowering, rocking back and forth. His heart dropped to his stomach, but Hide urged himself to talk with Kaneki, to recover whatever sanity he had left.

How would he go into this situation?

Hide weighed the options in his head:

1\. Go up to Kaneki and hug him from behind, like the old times. _Surely_ , he would remember Hide, right?

2\. Abduct him and just talk him home, and take care of him in his apartment.

3\. Talk things over, since he clearly can’t do the other two options.

“Hey, Kaneki. What’s with the getup? You stylin’ it up? Special makeup to shock even Hollywood...All this time you've had to suffer like this...You won’t need it anymore...that mask.”

What was he saying? Even at a time like this, Hide just had  to make a joke about the situation.

Perhaps he just wanted to hear his best friend’s laugh one more time

But instead of a warm laugh, Hide only heard Kaneki deny him. That he wasn’t truly there, and oh _god_ , the fact that if he was, he would know that Kaneki was a ghoul all this time. Hide's heart was pained in a way that he didn't even know was possible. But he had to suck it up.

“I already knew, man! Let’s go home already.”

He wants to help Kaneki, but Hide already made it into V14.

This was where Arima wanted him to lead Kaneki to, to prove his  _wort_ _h_ , as if turning into a half-ghoul after an entire lifetime spent as human, suffering torture at the hands of sadistic ghouls and witnessing everyone around him  _die_ wasn't enough.

He didn’t have a choice anymore.

“Sorry, can you fight with all you've got one more time?”

The only way for Kaneki, or any ghoul’s regeneration to kick in was if they had enough nutrients to do so. Kaneki was severely injured from the previous fighting he did, and Hide knew he had to sacrifice some of himself so that Kaneki would have the strength to go on. In this condition, forget about winning. Kaneki wouldn't even last two seconds, and Arima would kill him right off the bat.

Reluctantly, he pulled up the sleeve on his CCG combat suit.

He let Kaneki bite down on his arm, and he kneeled in pain as his best friend’s teeth tore his skin to pieces. Hide thought that he could survive just a minor injury, but Kaneki was persistent. He kept gnawing at Hide’s flesh, and before Hide knew what happened, his shoulder went slack and just then did he see the limping pieces of flesh that was once his arm.

Arima would arrive any moment now, and Hide is the one that sends his most cherished person off to his ‘death’.

 **  
** Hide dragged Kaneki to the place with all the other ghoul corpses, before running with what little was left of his strength, back to the surface.


	2. tell me who i am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> siGHS  
> MY CHAPTERS ARE ALL REALLY SHORT //sweats  
> this chapter takes place a few months after the events of the previous chapter

  * He woke up in a hospital room, with monitors beeping around him endlessly. He opened his eyes, but he couldn’t see a thing. Was he blind? He closed his eyes, not that it made much of a difference. If he concentrated, he can smell detergent from his hospital sheets and anti-bacterial soap. Strangely, he thought that was disgusting. He's been here for months, he was sure of it. The sight in front of him was still dim, as his eyes were still weak from whatever damage they took before.  He didn't know what happened for him to be here, but he did know that it was bad. None of his senses were functional, with the exception of his ears. He couldn't see or smell anything, which was for the best, as he remembered that he didn't like hospitals much.  The source of that memory however, was unknown to him. He felt like this was the first time he was conscious for months, which was probably true. There's a groggy feeling in his head that doesn't have anything to do with just waking up tired.   
  
The beeping from what he assumed were the machines in this room had a constant, steady beat that was the only thing keeping him company. Sitting up and moving his arms, he can also sense that there were some needles plugged into him. IV drips, he thought.  
  
There's also another thing. He doesn't remember his name. He supposed that he would be called an "amnesiac". Yet he knows so many things already about his condition, he couldn't be someone who was like this his whole life.   
  
Since this was a hospital, he tried to speak, to call for a nurse. Upon opening his mouth, he realized that he couldn't say a thing.   
  
Everything he tried to do was futile.   
  
Where did he come from before? What happened to him? Was he always this blind, voiceless person who couldn't function even before the 'accident'?  If he was, he was sure that he wouldn't have survived this long with no help from anyone else.   
  
Which leads to the next topic. Who did he end up leaving behind? Just this question alone gave him a flash of a vision of a blonde haired boy, then a group of people in masks, and a group of waitresses and waiters in what seems to be a café. The aroma of coffee hangs in the air, and laughter can be heard. The blonde boy was also sitting with him, chattering away endlessly. But that vision was gone as soon as it appeared, and a headache took its place, forcing him to lie down and rest for just a bit longer.

  * xx  
  
He managed to wake up again, and early, too. Or at least, as early as an amnesiac in the hospital can be waking up at. He wondered how long has it been since the last time he was up. He opened his eyes and found that today, his eyesight got a lot better. He can see a bit of light in the corner of his left eye, but it wasn't enough for him to observe his surroundings properly.   
  
The door making a clicking sound, then creaked a bit as it whooshed open. Assuming it was a nurse, he simply blinked at her, hoping that she would notice his awakening and his improvement in health.   
  
But what he heard instead was a deep voice with a serious undertone to it. He was sure he recognized this voice, but he had no way to find out.   
  
"Haise, right? Haise Sasaki."  
  
Was that his name?  
  
The man continued: "I see you've awoken from...your sleep. I'm visiting from the Commission of Counter Ghoul, to check when you will be able to return to duty." The man paused, then ended off with solemnly with, "My name is Arima Kinshou, I will be visiting you often  to monitor your healing process."  
  
But "Haise" didn't manage to get the last part about the CCG and the visits that this newly introduced man Arima mentioned.  The only thing in his head now is the name "Haise Sasaki".




xx 

         "So I'm an investigator?"

Haise wasn't so sure that he was up for the job. He had multiple injuries on him, clearly shown by the amount of bandages he had on himself. He can see now, though his vision was just a bit blurred.  _What a miraculous recovery,_ he thought. No human could be able to regain vision after being blinded like that. Haise thought that hospitals really advanced quite a bit. Haise looked at his skinny, untrained arms. Even if he was in top condition to fight before the accident, he probably wasn't, now.

Like Arima promised, the white haired man came by every Thursday to check up on Haise and his condition. 

Soon, Haise became aware that Arima wasn't very talkative, except for when he was launching questions at Haise. Questions like, "Can you see now?" Yes.

"Do you remember who you knew?" I don't know.

"Do you remember what you did before the accident?" I don't know.

"Do you remember what you are?" What I am?

 

Haise thought that the last question that Arima asked was rather odd.

As in, what job did he have? Was he a fireman? That was just dumb. What a dumb question.

Or did Arima mean it as in if he was a monster, or human?

 

Every visit Arima had with Haise left a bitter taste in his mouth. The  man was stoic, cold, and wouldn't even open up after Haise nagged  _him_ with questions about  _his_ life.  Haise would only hope to be let out of the hospital to see the people that he is supposedly working with, and to get away from the man with the steely gaze. For some reason, he had a feeling that this person didn't like him before the accident much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. goodbye, the voice of my past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide didn't even know something like this was possible.   
> But it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayy i finished writing the next two chapters  
> and so i'm posting this chapter now  
> what could arima be planning for hide? e - e

Warm yet sickly sweet scents of flowers crept into his nose, and Hide immediately sat up after being woken up from his short nap. He winced slightly, since the wound in his stomach haven’t healed yet, and the pain shot up through his sides. The hour hand of the clock on the wall read somewhere around 5AM, Hide really couldn’t see right. Last night didn't exactly set up the perfect condition to sleep; he swore he heard screams and mumbling from the hospital room next to his. The patient must be new, he thought. Hide may have been hallucinating though, since who knew what drugs the doctors hooked him up on?

After he passed up just outside of the sewers, he didn't know what happened to himself for him to end up here. It’s already been a few weeks, and the injuries he had were healing fine. His left arm’s shoulder was partially gone, replaced by white scars and new tissues ( he swore he saw his arm fall off ). The first few days were the most painful, where they had to do surgery on his stomach due to a huge wound on the side. But he was all right now. The only reason why he was still here was for last minute check-ups and for the damn stomach wound to heal. From what he heard in the hallways ( this hospital seems to be filled to the brink with CCG investigators visiting their fallen comrades, he swore he heard Suzuya-san conversing with someone outside ), the CCG annihilated the One Eyed Owl’s look alike, but the real one got away. The casualties were too much to count, but success rates in the operation was something that made the sacrifice worth it. For such a large scale operation, Hide knew that a ton of CCG investigators had died. 

Many by the hand of his best friend.

Hide wanted to cry because he doesn’t have any clue where Kaneki could be now, nor did he think that Arima could’ve spared him. That guy was brutal, and even being a half-ghoul Kaneki wouldn't have been able to beat Arima. Even if he survived, Kaneki would be suffering way more than Hide and any other injured CCG investigator would be right now. He was a ghoul, he doesn't have anywhere to go, since Anteiku...was gone.

He only hoped that Chief Washuu spared Kaneki.  
It doesn’t matter whether Hide has to go through all of that again, he just wants to see his best friend smile again. He just wants their normal life back.

All this remembering is making Hide tear up a bit, so he decides to go back to make up for his lack of proper sleep. Or, that’s what he wanted to do.

The voice next door started up again, the screams getting louder.

“What’s 1000-7? Do you know the sound a centipede makes if you put it in your ear? 993, 986, 979, 972...ah, mother, mother, I’m so fucked up...Rize...Yamori..s TOP! THI S BOD Y IS MINE THIS IS MINE STOP T A KING MY PRECIOUS PEOPLE AWAY FROM ME S TOPS TOSPOP STOP -- “

Hide inhaled deeply, lifting his bedsheets off his legs and standing up for the first time in how long. He walked towards the end of the room, closer to the wall to listen more closely. The screams were getting quieter, but what peaked his interest was the voice. It was so familiar.

“Hide will know...Hide can’t know...I have to protect Hide...Touka-chan...Hinami-chan...Banjou-san..Irimi-san...everyone...Manager...wait for me..”

The blonde tensed up- he felt like every muscle in his body was paralysed, thanks to that simple sentence the patient next door screamed at the end. Some of the names were unfamiliar to Hide, but...he knows some of those names- they were the names of Kaneki’s friends at the coffee shop he used to work at before the Owl Suppression Mission in the 20th Ward. Not only that, but the thing he said first thing was, “Hide will know”. The realization hit him right there.

The patient next door disturbing his sleep was none other than Kaneki Ken, his best friend.  
And he was alive.

x x

Hide drifted off for a few hours before he woke up again and decided to take a quick walk around to visit Kaneki - he was SO glad that he was alive, he was alive and Hide just wanted to jump around in happiness because he best friend was perhaps a bit messed up in the head now but he was ALIVE and nothing else was as important as that fact - and Hide pushed open the door slightly to check who was in the room, hoping some nurse wouldn’t catch him sneaking off into another patient’s room. 

A nurse wasn’t in the room, but what Hide saw was worse. 

The back of a CCG officer, clearly identifiable by the white coat all Doves wear, and the head of orderly white hair that was so different from Kaneki’s. He was talking to Kaneki, and Hide remembered that voice, that coat, that briefcase- 

It was none other than the Grim Reaper of CCG, Arima Kinshou. The man that had injured his best friend.  
He didn’t want to be caught, but Arima turned his head around just in time to catch Hide closing the door as he speed walked back to his room. Kaneki didn’t notice the interruption, but rather, he was talking to Arima like he was before Hide had interrupted.

x x

A click of the door was heard, and the quiet footsteps approaching his bedside were the only things Hide heard before the man spoke. Not wanting to be talked to, Hide simply feigned sleep, hoping the white haired man would take a clue.

“Nagachika-san. I have to talk to you about an important matter concerning...Sasaki Haise.”

“It doesn’t concern me,” Hide said, turning his head around to face Arima, who was sitting with a pamphlet of papers in his lap. “I don’t know anyone named Sasaki Haise. What’s with Kaneki?”

“Ah, but that’s the thing. Sasaki Haise doesn’t know you either. Your best friend - Kaneki Ken - is dead from today on. From today on, he will be under the identity of Sasaki Haise. I think that this matter would concern you quite a lot.”

Hide’s heartbeat quickened. Kaneki was dead? He thought, a million possibilities running through his head before the true meaning of Arima’s words dawned in. Kaneki didn’t die. Sasaki Haise was born.

“Are you saying he can’t even remember who he is? Is Kaneki-”

“It’s Sasaki Haise now. Refer to him as that.” Arima glared, but his expression was otherwise deadpan. 

“So he doesn’t remember anything. Nothing about being a ghoul, nothing about who he knew for the past twenty years of his life?” This was almost as bad as Kaneki being dead. Hide felt like his best friend had been replaced by some stranger, yet still in the same body.

“He will be an investigator for the CCG when he recovers fully. We will treat him as human, as he has proven himself worthy of being alive and worthy of being considered ‘human’. Of course, in his current state, anything can trigger his memories of being a cannibalistic ghoul that may set him off on a rampage. You, being right next to him in this room ought to know that...he has been saying...interesting things in his sleep lately. So, Rookie Investigator Hideyoshi Nagachika, if you want to be at his side once more, you will listen to the offer I’m about to give you. When the time arrives...I will let you return to him.”

Arima spent quite some time explaining the details of his plan for Hide, but he didn’t need even a second to think it through. He had to be back with Kaneki, no matter the risks.

“I agree to the procedures of the operation.”

x x

That day in April, Hide was visiting the 20th Ward from the 6th Ward. He wasn’t allowed to see.../him/ yet. 

Akira turned her head in the nearly empty hallway of the fifth floor of the CCG building, catching sight of a familiar head of blonde hair. Someone that was listed as missing in action since the end of the Owl Suppression Mission.

Her eyes widening, Akira finally realized why he was so familiar. Though their time working together before the mission was short, no one else in the CCG had the same messy bleached blonde hairstyle - making the man very memorable.

“Nagachika...san?”

With a grin, Hide yelled-

“Yo, Akira-san!”


	4. unfortunate meeting circumstances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haise has screwed up too many times in one day

A year later.

 

Akira Mado doesn’t know how she would manage this.

 

According to Chief Washuu, a man she just couldn’t deny any orders from, the same person- no, ghoul - that killed her former partner, Amon Kotarou, three years ago is going to be under her guidance. Not only that, he also will be forming a new squad with half ghouls created by the CCG. Although he was under a new identity and no longer was the ‘’Centipede’’ that he was years ago, it was clear that Haise was still being treated as such by some of the other investigators in the CCG. The heads that turned to Haise whenever he walked with Akira was unnerving, even though the stares weren’t directed at her. It was going to be difficult with Sasaki Haise ‘replacing’ Amon ( go D YOu a RE REplacing thE ONE PErson yo u KIL L ED ) but Akira had already set aside grudges, at least for now. After all, after the visit with a...certain charming blonde who just told her all about /Haise/, she couldn’t bring herself to hate him. Much.

 

“These are the newly initiated members, who will join the Quinx Squad under your guidance. Normally, you wouldn’t get your own squad unless you reached First Class Rank, but Chief Washuu himself issued this arrangement for you to be their mentor,” Akira said, her head tilted in his direction. “Take care of your four new subordinates, Haise.”

 

Haise looked dumbfounded, but quickly regained his posture. The quartet was obviously not what he had in mind, as they were such an odd bunch, but Akira would like to see the process of seeing someone like Haise working with these people. Perhaps she would learn a lesson or two from this herself.

 

Haise grinned while holding out his outstretched hand.

 

“Let’s enjoy our time working together!”

 

x x

 

Two years later.

 

The Nutcracker case was picking up again, and Haise _really_ needed some time away from all the paperwork, and to prepare himself for the planning for the days ahead. Seeing the tired faces of everyone after the meeting that Matsuri Washuu called for, he decided that the rest of his squad needed a warm, steaming cup of coffee too. It was just going to be a few weeks until they put their Auction Wipeout Plan into action…They all deserved a break.

 

Haise tried out many cafes in the past two years- most of which were amazing, and some were just mediocre -  but the most recent shop he found ( with his amazing ** _nose kagune_** ) was something he couldn’t even describe in words. Not only was the coffee good, the nostalgia of something hit him every time he visited. The pretty cafe waitress and the solemn white haired man at the counter didn’t seem to help him in remembering anything either, though at first glance he had just the slightest recollection of them. They have been appearing in Sasaki’s dreams - sometimes, nightmares - lately, but with minor changes in appearance.

 

Just last night, Haise had a dream where the pretty waitress at :RE had a shorter, less elegant hairstyle, dressed in a high school girl’s uniform and was brutally beating Haise up. The pair were on a bridge that was empty except for them, while traffic went out and about below. Haise also looked different - he had white hair, an eyepatch on, the very same appearance as the man in his mind, the one that always asks for his body back.

 

“ _Why did you have to change,_ ” she cried out in anguish, pinning Haise onto the ground.

 

“ _People like you should stay out of_ -”

 

“...:RE, right? Sassan? Oi, Sassan, are you even listening? Hey, are you okay? You didn’t hear a thing that I just said, right? You almost walked across the road at the red light!”

 

Haise was interrupted by the tall squad leader of the Quinx grabbing onto his coat tail- it was true, he certainly would’ve been flattened by the cars now had Shirazu not stopped him. It was funny how stuck in his daydreams he could be sometimes.

Shirazu Ginshi was staring at Haise, with a mixture of worry and confusion across his face.

 

Saiko was already dozing off, her face planted in Shirazu’s ruffled mop of hair while the blonde himself complained about something along the lines of why he was always the one having to deal with carrying Saiko out and about and how Sasaki was so focused in his thoughts that he almost got ran over by cars. Mutsuki laughed at the situation nervously, and Sasaki noticed in the distance, Urie, who had ignored the group and already crossed the street, and already opening the door to :RE now.

 

“Ah, Shirazu-kun. It’s nothing, really. And...yeah. I heard,” Sasaki’s hand instinctively went up to his chin, scratching it absent mindedly.

 

Shirazu didn’t look very convinced at Sasaki’s half-assed attempt to cover up, but he just grumbled and walked across when the traffic light turned green again. Haise hurried along with his squad ( They were already in the cafe while Haise was deep in thought. Again. ), wanting to go grab a warm cup of coffee in that relaxing atmosphere as soon as he can. With only that on his mind, he didn’t notice the other man stepping just in front of him, turning to also enter the coffee shop. Haise watched in horror as the novel the other man held dropped onto the ground, thanks to the way Haise practically headbutt into his back and made him jolt in surprise.

 

“I’m sorry!” Haise hurried to bend over and pick up the novel for him, and the man did the same.

“Ow,” they both said simultaneously.

 

Haise immediately felt the blood rush to his cheeks when he thought about how many times he messed up today. How is he even still able to be a mentor for his peers in the CCG?

 

The other man picked up his novel, quickly muttered an apology and walked into :RE without even casting a glance at Sasaki.

 

x x

  
  


Shirazu was almost too eager to see the waitress at :RE again, not just because he had sort of...fallen for her. No, he had some legit questions.

 

Last time, Associate Special Class Juuzou Suzuya’s right hand man, Hanbee Abara had taken him and Mutsuki to visit Suzuya’s former mentor in the hospital. Right after their visit, Shirazu had saw her going off to visit someone in the hospital too, with flowers in her hand. He knew he didn’t have a right to prod into the personal life of someone who he barely knew, but Shirazu had instincts, and he felt like he just had to know the person she was visiting. Many of the patients in that hospital were former CCG officer who were injured in the line of duty, perhaps Shirazu could meet that person, too…

 

He was about to go ask the waitress that, but in the end he only manage to buy himself a cup of coffee.

 

The door creaked open, and in came a blonde haired man with black strands of hair mixed in, an embarrassed look on his face, and sulking right after him was the Quinx Squad’s mentor. Sassan was flushed red, though Shirazu suspects that it wasn’t just from the cold alone. He walked over to their table, legs trembling a bit before he sat down and put his hands on his face, muttering “it was so embarrassing god I messed up again how am I even still employed…”

 

“Sassan, did you walk into that person?”

 

Their mentor jolted in his seat, then looked away and muttered a quiet ‘yes’ to verify that Shirazu was right. Saiko looked up from her Vita for one second to cackle with laughter and Mutsuki promptly elbowed her - not without affection -so that she could stop embarrassing herself. Urie just stared at the group with his usual deadpan look. Sassan looked so uncomfortable, Shirazu would’ve teased him about it if he himself felt in the mood to do so.

 

“Well, while you were out there, Mutsuki, Urie, Saiko and I already ordered!”

 

“Yes, yes...I'm going to call her over now to take my order…”

 

She came by, took Sasaki’s order before Shirazu gathered up the courage to ask her his burning question, and left again.

 

She came back, placed the orders on their table, nodded, and then went off to the next customer.

 

It was now or never. Shirazu had to ask now.

 

But now, she is occupying herself by being busy, chatting with the man that Sasaki had bumped into earlier in hushed voices. They looked friendly with each other, and so Shirazu assumed that he was a regular here. They talked for a long while, before the blond haired man dropped his novel onto the ground, causing a loud crash to be heard in :RE. Thankfully, they were the only customers in here currently, but the ruckus caused Sasaki to turn around and glance at the novel on the ground.

 

“ _The Black Goat’s Egg,_ ” he muttered. “By Takatsuki Sen…”

 

Shirazu only then realize that Sassan had pools of tears in his now distant grey eyes.

 

x x

 

He had a feeling he knew that man. Haise thought it was just his imagination when he looked at him the first time, but it was a very familiar gaze. Looking at that man with the bleached blonde hair, with those black roots growing out reminded Haise of sunflowers under the blue sky, a warm and safe place ( ‘Home...wasn’t it? ) and yet somehow it also reminded him of himself. Melancholic.

 

Before he knew it, he was up on his feet, his squad eyeing his every move, but he didn’t bother to acknowledge them. For some strange reason, he felt himself gravitating towards that man and he just didn’t know why except for the fact that he had to know. The voice in his head was chanting already with the intentions to give Haise a headache.

 

_“Yes! Yes! Take me back to my special person! Lend your body to me, I deserve to see him again, not you. Do you know what you did to your best friend three years ago? Ah, mother, mother...I’m so glad... ”_

  
  



	5. a person's perception and deception go hand in hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide accidentally lets something more than his book slip.

_“You will agree to become a Quinx. An artificial ghoul. Just like your friend. You want to see him again, don’t you? Do you agree?”_

_“I- I agree to the procedures of this operation.”_

 

The voice was so familiar, but he couldn’t put a name on it.

 

“So..You like Takatsuki Sen’s works too?”

Haise cringed at how lame he sounded. Who doesn’t like Takatsuki Sen? He could only think of one person that questioned his morbid book tastes...but he can’t remember his name. Haise had a feeling that it was a long time ago.

 

The other man looked at Haise properly, and flinched before regaining his posture. Haise thought that the man looked at himself with just a hint of recognition. Though he quickly dismissed the fact, for Haise has never met the man before, he was sure of it.

 

_“Nagachika-san...He won’t be waiting for you. I’m only offering you this since Chief Washuu and I know about your physical and mental capabilities. Normally, you’d have to take an aptitude test, and you’re still recovering from your injuries. But you seem very intent on seeing him again.”_

“Huh, y-yeah. I had a friend...He used to like her works. He would talk about her all the time, quite the fanboy he was…haha.” The blond scratched his chin, eyes casting downwards as he spoke. Again, he wouldn’t look at Haise. Haise thought that he looked really uncomfortable, talking about his friend. He also noticed that the blond was speaking about his friend in the past tense.

_“You will agree to become a Quinx. An artificial ghoul. Just like your friend. You want to see him again, don’t you? Do you agree?”_

 

_“Kishou-san? Please let me think over this for a bit. Wait, no. Actually... I’m ready to risk anything. For Kaneki...I’m willing to do it.”_

_“I- I agree to the procedures of this operation.”_

“Hideyoshi Nagachika. That’s my name. Let’s chat again sometime! That is...if we ever see each other here again.” He grinned, but the smile looked incredibly sad to Haise, for some reason he just couldn't comprehend.

Haise stood there, baffled. He simply watched as the man named Hideyoshi Nagachika left :RE through its front doors, not knowing when he could meet him again. He didn’t know why the voice in his head subsided when he spoke with Nagachika-san, but now it was back.

 

 _He left you, once again. You didn’t do anything to stop him,_ the voice said maliciously. Haise felt a headache coming on.

 

x x

 

Saiko wasn’t as into her game as she looked. Sure, her LP was full and she didn’t have time to play in the score match in the morning ( oh god this week was so hectic and she isn’t going to get the event card at this rate without spending this week’s pay, that never happened before she had to actually participate in CCG missions ), but she also wanted to figure out what made their squad leader do something so... unlike him. And obviously, she was going to abuse her enhanced hearing abilities. Shirazu looked like he just missed the opportunity of his lifetime to ask the waitress at :RE out, so Saiko didn’t ask him to spy on Maman with her.

 

At first, she could only hear the sound of coffee being made. Other people had arrived in the cafe during the time that their squad leader stood in the corner with the stranger, chatting away uncomfortably. It only added to the noise, and the two were already conversing very quietly. If she listened closely, she could hear tiny snippets of their conversation. Maman was awkward as hell. Saiko didn’t know what compelled him to suddenly go up to random strangers if it didn’t contribute to their objective ( interviewing people that know of ghouls, for example ), and they were on their break anyway. What work was their to be done? Unless...

 

The Quinx squad left :RE after finishing, paid for their order and settled down at the Chateau for the night.

 

Maman looked absolutely grief stricken, Saiko noticed when they were all sitting around the TV in the living room. Right after they got back, their squad leader had went straight to his room without saying a word to the rest of the squad.  Shirazu and Mutsuki exchanged worried glances, which Saiko decided meant something really was wrong.

 

“The first time Sassan visited :RE along with Mutsuki and I, he started crying and talking about how delicious the coffee was,” Shirazu blurted out, interrupting the uncomfortable silence. “Of course, you weren’t there at that time.”

 

“ _What-_ ” Saiko didn’t go the first time, but to only find out about this now? The squad was keeping secrets from her. What next, she discovers that Maman is really a SS rated ghoul infiltrating the CCG? Hilarious.

 

Mutsuki explained quickly, seeing the confused look on Saiko’s face. “Something like this happened with the waitress at :RE and Sasaki-san too. The first time they met, Sasaki spent the entire time looking at her, though I doubt it was simply because of romantic attraction. He had this faraway look in his eyes...When we came in for the first time too, the staff there looked at him funny. For some reason, I think they recognize him. Almost scrutinizing. Not just that they recognize that he’s a ghoul investigator of CCG, but I think they knew Sasaki on a personal level…”

 

“Yeah, I think that “Hideyoshi-san” today also had a similar reaction when Maman approached him.”

 

“Hideyoshi-san? You mean the man with the bleached blond hair we saw today- the one that Sassan bumped into?”

 

“Yeah. Maman was _really_ awkward with him today, but I feel like they could really be best friends...if only he wasn’t so nervous around new people...”

 

Saiko trailed off, pondering that fact. She was interrupted by Maman’s cellphone ringing ( he left it there in his coat pocket and didn’t even bring it back to his room. ) and since it might be important, she picked it up without checking the caller ID.

 

“Haise?”

This was Akira Mado’s voice, but unless it was important, urgent, or both, Saiko knows she wouldn’t be calling their squad leader.

 

“This is Rank 3 Saiko Yonebayashi, at your service! Sasaki-san is currently busy, we don’t want to disturb him right now, ” she said, though it was more because Saiko didn’t want to approach Maman right now and see the depressed mood he’s in. She wouldn’t be any help  anyway. “You can let me relay the message!”

 

“Oh, is that so.” The tone Akira used changed, going back to the stern voice she reserved for practically everyone else in the CCG. “I figured it would be somewhat good news, the fact that Haise might have another squad member under his wing. Tomorrow is Saturday, and I know you Quinx have the day off, but can you tell Haise and the rest of the squad to meet me at the CCG lobby tomorrow?”

Saiko didn’t sleep a wink that night, in between all the catching up she had to do for the score match event ( IM COMING, NOZOMI-CHAN!!) and the thoughts of a new member - another artificial half-ghoul - joining the squad.

 

x x

 

This wasn’t the first time Akira specifically called the Quinx Squad to the CCG for a meeting outside of work days, but Haise was nervous all the same. It was already hard enough managing the squad members he had now, even though most of them were now very cooperative with each other - with the exception of Urie, who worshipped promotion above all else, and Haise didn’t want to have to handle another Urie. One was already enough.

 

Haise’s ideal apprentice would be humble, hardworking, and enthusiastic. Right now, all of the members in his squad had just one of these qualities. But they still had a long way to go.

 

So when he entered the CCG lobby with his squad, he didn’t expect someone who made him feel like he could probably be all of those things. He didn’t expect to meet Hideyoshi Nagachika.

 

“Wow! So you’re Sasaki Haise-san...I didn’t expect that you were also a CCG investigator when I met you yesterday!”

 

 _Liar,_ Haise thought. _You knew what we were._  The entire squad was clearly all in their CCG coats yesterday.

 

Akira glared at Nagachika-san, her deadpan look suddenly turning into a shocked look, then a scowl. Haise hoped Akira wasn’t as mad as she looked.

 

“You two have already met?” Her voice was tinged with caution for some reason.

Haise noticed Hideyoshi glancing over at him, before chuckling and then responded with “No- wait, yes...but only yesterday. We literally _bumped into each other_ at a coffee shop. Never would I have imagined that someone as clumsy as him would be a ghoul investigator!”

Haise should have been offended at that comment, but Hideyoshi’s voice was light and teasing; Haise sensed no contempt from the other man. Rather, it was all too familiar.

“Is that so,” Akira said, letting the matter drop. “Haise,” she called as she put the pile of papers full of information Hideyoshi contributed for the Nutcracker case in his hands. “Nagachika-san is quite talented with figuring out cases and people alike, as he previously worked in the Information Bureau. Almost too talented and quick to catch on, might I add. Take care of him, Haise.” _Don’t lose him again,_ Akira wanted to add.

After the quick meeting with Akira, the entire squad decided to go back to having their day off. The weather in October was chilly, and rain was threatening to pour down soon if they did not make it back home in time. The walk back to the Chateau was not anything out of the ordinary, and Hideyoshi was already having no problems hitting it off with the rest of the squad. His sunny exterior made him seem like a walking ball of sunshine, warming up anyone around him, making the actual weather pale in comparison. Despite that, Haise didn’t want to talk with him, not yet, especially after what had happened in :RE yesterday. He drifted off into his thoughts, once again.

 

x x

 

One of his new squad teammates, Shirazu Ginshi was bombarding Hide with so many questions. Shirazu was being so persistent, asking such personal questions about Hide. He knew that Kane- no, Haise. That was his name now; Haise was listening to the conversation, and Hide didn’t want to accidentally give something away about himself that might trigger some part of Haise’s memories of being Kaneki. Akira and Arima both had warned him of what happened just a few weeks ago of Haise with the ghoul Serpent, and the colossal damage he caused while he was in his SS ranked ghoul mode. His best friend sure can be scary sometimes, huh. Scarier still is the fact that Haise might not consider Hide to even be his friend anymore.

 

“So,” Shirazu pouted when they arrived at the front lobby of the Chateau. “You avoided all my questions that I asked in the past twenty minutes. What gives?”

 

Unsure whether to trust his new teammate or not, Hide just gave a quick shrug, knowing he avoided answering another question. Out of all the members, Shirazu was probably the most perceptive. Urie, Saiko, and Mutsuki just didn’t give off the same vibe as him, and Hide can see why Shirazu was the squad leader of the Quinx now, albeit being a lower rank than Urie.

 

The squad, now including Hide, settled down. Saiko only cast glances at Hide, probably deciding whether it was important to get to know Hide right away, or do whatever it was that she actually wanted to do. After what seemed like five minutes, she sulked back into her room upstairs. Urie was ignoring everyone, and listening to obscure artists playing through his ear buds. They were so loud, even Hide hears them from where he sat in the living room. They would have to exchange names of music groups sometime. Shirazu was simply staring at Hide, making him somewhat uncomfortable, but he obviously wouldn’t show it. Mutsuki was chattering away with Haise in the kitchen, probably eating something, since it was already lunch.

 

Hide would describe himself as a friendly person. After all, he was able to reach out to Kaneki all those years ago, and when Kaneki was gone, he made new friends. Although, it was only for the purpose of coping with his loss. He figured that now, before trying to re-establish his relationship with Haise, he would have to make friends with the Quinx Squad first. Maybe he would answer some of Shirazu’s questions after all.

 

“Scooch over,” Hide said. “It’s time for me to properly introduce myself!” Only to Shirazu, as everyone else was gone and Urie probably couldn’t hear them over the loud volume of his ear buds.

 

“Finally given up, huh?” Shirazu looked at him with a smug expression.

“Why did you become a half-ghoul like us? I mean, these questions might be a bit personal, but for Akira-san to just randomly add a new member in our squad...something’s probably up!”

 

“I…” However personal the questions Shirazu asked Hide on the way to the Chateau, this was something on an entirely new level. Hide thought he was going to have to answer questions about old girlfriends and his life story, not why he practically underwent some life-altering surgery. He couldn’t say it. How was he going to? Oh, my best friend was your current squad mentor from the past 20 years and when he wanted to go on a seemingly innocent book date with a girl way out of his league, he got experimented on and turned into a cannibalistic ghoul! He then ignored me for practically a year and fed on his own species, then I basically led him to his own death! And kids, that’s how I met your mother!

 

“I guess I just wanted to help, somewhat. I’ve looked up to the CCG investigators for a long time, and since I’m fit to become a Quinx, I was like, why not?” Hide scratched his chin nervously, knowing full well that it was just a full blown lie. The shark teeth blond did not seem to buy his quick explanation, but he simply continued with the next question.

 

“Oh...and about what happened yesterday with Sassan. It might have been my imagination, with the way you looked at him at first...He bumped into you, but when you saw him again, it was something more than recognizing that he was the one that tripped you outside of :RE. Nagachika-san, you knew him in his past life, didn’t you?”

  
  


Shit. _Shit_. The way he looked at him. The book he was reading to remind himself of his best friend yesterday. Shirazu was just as perceptive as Hide thought, and he knew now that lying to him would do no good. Eventually, he would have to tell the entire squad about it, with the exception of Haise. He didn't want to lose his best friend a second time, not after all the work he put in to save him.

 

“Perhaps I did.” Hide smiled melancholically, hoping that these peaceful days would last before Haise remembers about Hide and his past.

Those days wouldn't last long.

  
  
  
  



	6. i don't need a funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzuya Juuzou was usually very good with words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to rearrange the order of events in the canon manga a bit! The meeting takes place after Shirazu, Hanbee and co. goes to see Shinohara in the hospital instead of before that happens like in the canon.

It seemed like lately, all they’ve ever had were meetings. Not exciting ones either, but with the auction case coming on very soon, the CCG would need all the time they had for more last-minute planning. Right now, Associate Special Class Suzuya Juuzou was in yet another one of those boring meetings. It seemed like Rank 1 Haise Sasaki sitting next to him was feeling the effects of attending another one of these boring meetings, but he was feeling something else entirely different than sheer boredom. Haise was biting his bottom lip, clearly not liking the plan that Matsuri Washuu had suggested. To use Rank 3 Mutsuki Tooru as bait in the following auction, disguised as a girl. Of course, Juuzou knew that Haise was overprotective of his squad members, but he figured that it would be good experience for Mutsuki. Haise was still arguing with Matsuri.

“Someone has to go with him! We can’t simply send him in _alone_!” Haise raised him voice, still persistent on that fact. Matsuri was still intent on the results, with no thought on the pressure and the dangers that he was going to have to put Mutsuki through.

_This will get us nowhere_ , Juuzou thought. Might as well state what’s on his mind and help Haise out a bit too.

“I’ll go with Rank 3 Mutsuki too. I have someone whom I’m simply _dying_ to meet in the auction." He giggled. "Plus, I’m ready to train him for that if it comes to extreme situations,” Juuzou countered. Matsuri looked like he was about to say no ( and cut himself up at the same time ), but Juuzou just stared at him with his piercing large dark eyes. He wasn’t afraid ( he wasn’t afraid of anything, really ) of the Washuu, even if he was the commander of Division II. After all, they were of the same rank; he wasn’t superior to Juuzou.

“Very well,” was the reply he gave. He saw Haise take a breathe of relief from the corner of his eye, and secretly gave him a lopsided smile behind his hands covering his face.

Akira, Take and Shimoguchi all came in after that, with Matsuri announcing that _it has begun._

Out of a corner, Juuzou caught another person walking just behind the door in the hall who looked strangely familiar. He decided he would have to catch up to him later.

Haise and Juuzou exchanged a few words outside in the hall, and then he ran off in the direction that he saw the blond go in.

Juuzou had an incredible memory, so he knew that he’s seen that person before. Hell, he even knew Haise back when he wasn’t even Haise, and identified him on more than two separate meetings. He was sure he knew that person.

The hallways weren’t very crowded, as most investigators were out on a side mission or in a meeting, doing boring paperwork. The small investigator practically ran at the speed of light, unsure why he was so intent on meeting the blond. He knew him, but he only remembered his face, and that he worked as a part-timer in the 20th Ward a few years back. They didn’t see each other often in the CCG buildings, but to not have seen him in three years...Juuzou thought that the man was surely dead by now. Of course, he could’ve also have been in a coma, like Shinohara, but to have disappeared for so long was unheard of. Reappearing now just made Juuzou _slightly_ suspicious.

He went down the elevator that he saw the blond go down. There weren’t any meetings to go to that Juuzou knew of anymore, so they must be on ground floor.

Up in the next hallway, Juuzou spotted him. Walking with Haise, putting up a casual front as always. He ran even faster, until Haise spotted Juuzou too, his face went from neutral to shocked.

“Juuzou? What are y-”

“Waaattch out!!!” The blond yelled, clearly thinking that Juuzou was about to attack Haise.

Instead, he tackled the blond, landing on top of him while he laid on the ground. He groaned in pain- he didn’t expect the small guy to bodycheck him to the ground.

“Hide? Are you alright?” Asked Haise, while also looking at Juuzou in confusion.

Ah. So his name was Hide...Juuzou remembered him. The energetic part-timer from three years ago, who disappeared after the Owl Suppression Mission. Hideyoshi Nagachika. It seemed like even after three years, the guy didn’t change at all. Bleached blond hair with black roots at the top, deep brown eyes- he was just missing the cap that covered his face most of the time.

“You’re Hideyoshi Nagachika-san. I remember you.” Juuzou tried to be formal, but it was hard after he just tackled the poor guy.

“Huh?” Proclaimed Hide in surprise. Hide didn’t remember this small guy at all, though he did remind him of this one white haired investigator from three years ago who had just as bad of a fashion sense as this guy, suspenders and all. The investigator from three years ago also had red stitches...in the exact same places where the person in front of him had them. Oh. _Oh._ It hit him immediately. They’re the same person, just with a different hair colour...he dyed his hair from white to black, the exact opposite of what Kaneki did. Hide felt like an idiot.

Haise looked at both of them, puzzled. “Juuzou? I didn’t think that you’ve met Hide before...seems like everyone knew him before I got to, though.”

“ _Ha-i-se!_ ” Juuzou practically skipped towards him, meeting his face just inches apart. “I met Hideyoshi-san when I was still a Rank 2 investigator, three years ago! He was missing in action for three years, and I never saw him in any of the other wards! I’m just so surprised, to meet a familiar face! Sorry for tackling you, Hideyoshi-sannn!”

He regretted saying that as soon as the words left his mouth. Hide still had a smile on his face, but it looked awfully strained, _forced_ , even. Haise gaped his mouth at Juuzou, then stared at Hide with his ‘is this true that you were gone for three years?’ look. Juuzou forgot that this wasn’t Kaneki anymore. Juuzou forgot that Hideyoshi Nagachika was Kaneki Ken’s childhood friend, the person who joined the CCG with the sole purpose of finding his half-ghoul best friend. For a few minutes, Juuzou even forgot that Haise did not know anything about his relationship with the sunny blond, nor did he remember any of the past twenty years of his life.

The man with the black and white two-toned hair walked away - almost sulking -, leaving the two other investigators alone with each other.

“So, I take it you’ve known Kaneki too.” Hideyoshi said coldly.

x x

Haise has been ignoring Juuzou for the past few days. He’s sure he triggered some sort of reaction out of him like what he heard happened during the Serpent fight ( which he wasn’t there for, dammit! He alway missed out on the action ), and Juuzou even tried to apologize to him, but everytime he tried calling Haise’s cell it was always one of the Quinx who picked up. It seemed like Juuzou caught both of them off guard, and said some things he shouldn’t have said. Even he himself knew that it was an incredibly idiotic thing to say. _Oh well._

Mutsuki Tooru was coming by for his third training session with Juuzou. Little by little, he has been getting better, hopefully so in time for the auction, he would be prepared to defend himself properly if the circumstances arises. Training with Mutsuki made Juuzou feel something warm inside, and for the first time in forever he felt like he was back in the days when Shinohara was still his mentor. Teaching had been hard, but he was sure that was what Shinohara had felt when he was helping Juuzou pass his promotion exams.

They started with some basic techniques, something Mutsuki was getting good at. He decided to step it up a notch today. Juuzou demonstrated first, and tossed three knives in the air. The other started to do the same when-

A knife almost flew into the eye covered by the eyepatch.

“Oops, better be careful,” he said as he caught sight of it and snatched up the knife. “You know, keeping one eye covered makes you see less depth, and sometimes you won’t be able to tell the distance of things. Mutsuki, you should just take it off and avoid the hassle, you know.”

Uncomfortably, he shifted from where he stood. Juuzou knew he couldn’t control his kakugan, but it was better showing it around people who already knew he was half-ghoul than almost losing his eye because of petty knife accidents.

A few attempts later - without the eyepatch, which Juuzou insisted Mutsuki take off - he finally got the into the swing of things. The guy looked so proud of himself, he was practically beaming. Juuzou couldn’t help by also smile. A genuine, happy smile.

x x

If he could make a list of things he hated doing the most right now, Hide would put ‘will writing’ all the way on top. Along with ‘searching for his best friend for months on end’, ‘having to spend months in the hospital because of his shoulder ( wow, did he feel for that Sousuke guy in that swimming anime during those trying times )’, and of course, ‘Asian history homework’.

He already wrote a will before, why do it again? Couldn’t he just reuse the one from three years ago? Hide didn’t exactly remember what he wrote back then, but it had something to do with apology letters for his family and giving away his prized headphones. Or _something_ like that. Obviously, he was alive right now ( unless this was all a dream, but then again, everything was too fucked up and vivid to be one). The CCG might’ve already thrown the will away, so he has to write yet another one where he would practically pour his soul and feelings out in a single sheet of paper. Hide wanted to put something cool, like ‘Yeah. I died. I don’t need a funeral. Bye.’  but that would seem...rude? Plus, he was sure he wasn’t that cool, albeit his amazing music taste.

Whatever.

Flicking his pen and paper away, he closed the door of his room in the basement of the Chateau and walked upstairs to the kitchen. Haise was being busy as usual, cooking away for his squad’s  eat -couldn’t eat-, as always. The sweet smell of fragrant rice, salad, and beef reached his nostrils. Hide felt really bad for him. His sweet, incredible and selfless best friend was over-exerting himself for others again, even as an investigator.

“Hey Haise, need a hand?” Haise jumped at Hide’s voice, suddenly turning his head towards the blond.

“N-no! I’ve got it covered, actually! I just need to put the meals on the plates now! Really!”

“Hmm, is that so?” He mischieviously snuck up behind Haise, moving the pan away from the white haired man expertly. Years of cooking for himself made him an excellent chef in the kitchen, however unlikely he was going to opening admit that. Hide proceeded to swiftly move the food to the platters and plates, setting the table up in expert time. Totally badass, Hide thought, even in the kitchen. Haise looked shell-shocked, but it was quickly replaced by a smile, making Hide’s stomach fill up with butterflies. They two called the rest of the Quinx squad down for dinner, and Haise simply watched and chatted happily, bringing his lips to the cup of black coffee every now and then. It was so ordinary, so like the old days before Kaneki Ken had turned into a half-ghoul. It was almost as if they weren’t going to risk their lives in a large scale extermination mission just a couple weeks from now.

After the dinner, Hide decided on one thing.

He wasn’t going to allow himself to die.

  
11:42PM, Hide finished his will. Haise fell asleep in his room, a book on his face. Hide tiptoed there and opened the door, making not a single sound. That dork fell asleep reading, again. It painfully reminded him too much of the old times, so the blond took the book and put a bookmark slip on the page it was opened to, leaving it on top of Haises’ bookshelf.  Silently, he placed the envelope titled ‘Hideyoshi Nagachika’s Will’ on Haises’ desk. Inside was a single sheet of blank paper, with no sign that Hideyoshi Nagachika had even touched the paper except for the wetness of tears, almost dried upon the blank surface.


	7. you're like a ripe banana!

November 11th is remembered by some as Veteran’s Day, or Remembrance Day ( in Japan, Pocky Day. But obviously the CCG would not be celebrating a strawberry flavored stick right now). To remember and honour all the fallen soldiers that died fighting for freedom of their country, for their land. Little did they know that they were going to remember and discover a lot more about the past than they had bargained for. Today is also the day of the Auction Wipeout Operation, with multiple squads from the CCG focusing on the goal of ghoul extermination. They plan to take down Nutcracker, and whoever else they deemed a ghoul worth their time to kill.

 

x x

 

The hallways were wide open in some areas, but narrow in certain corridors. They had waited rather inconspicuously outside until they heard the news of Asoociate Special Class Juuzou Suzuya infiltrating and setting the plan up for action. This being their first major mission, the Quinx squad were all worried, though Urie looked unaffected as usual. That guy was probably just thinking about the promotion and honours he would receive- that is, unless he dies early due to his headstrong nature. Haise worried for Rank 3 Mutsuki the most, knowing that whatever would take place will certainly leave physical and emotional wounds on the small Quinx. If it went well, he wouldn’t be Rank 3 anymore, and the results he would help bring will certainly be rewarded. CCG investigators milled around the auction hall, all squads reaching for their respective infiltration areas. It was time to begin. With ghouls escaping the main auction hall - thanks to Juuzou, - it didn’t take long until the Quinx squad came face to face with low ranking ghouls. They slaughtered them with expertise, not daring to slow down. It seemed like all the higher ranking, or the rich ghouls made the lower ones their bodyguards, buying them time to save themselves.

 

Meanwhile, Nuts was leading Mutsuki to his immediate death. He was sure that the ghoul buying him would make a meal out of him yet, utilising every last bit of his body. Just the thought of himself being chopped up and prepared like a fancy dinner to end up in a ghoul’s mouth disgusted him. He knew that the Sasaki would come to save him, but they probably had other matters on their hands. Mutsuki didn’t want to rely on his squad members all the time to save him anymore.

 

Simultaneously moving his leg and arms, he smacked and kicked Nuts at the same time. The result? The crudely dressed ghoul doubled over and fell, reaching for the boy as he ran away to hide himself away until help arrives. That was all he could do for now, as Mutsuki possessed not a single weapon on his body. It’s times like this where he really wondered why he even signed up to be a Quinx if he couldn’t even produce a proper kagune to defend himself. Shivering, he brought his legs closer to himself, hands clutching tightly around his waist, his head on his knees. Gradually calming down after taking deep breathes, Mutsuki lifted his head.

 

“ _Servus_ ,” greeted the purple haired ghoul that was previously attempting to make Mutsuki his. His heart immediately stopped in his chest. He only stared wide eyed in horror as the ghoul continued speaking, and even then proceeded to injure Mutsuki, licking up his blood. It was at that moment that disgust replaced fear, and he struck the ghoul the same time someone else interfered. Immediately, Sasaki came to mind. But it wasn’t their squad leader.

 

Standing just a meter away from him, was Torso; eyes wide opened and with the insatiable hunger of a starving animal. The man stood up, recovering from the attack from Torso, and began swearing in a foreign language unknown to Mutsuki, landing punches on the other man with both his hands and kagune.

 

The small investigator took this as a chance to go find the rest of his squad, not wanting to be caught in their squabble. The two men did not noticed the disappearance of Mutsuki until it was too late, both of them laid bloody, heavily injured, and tired on the cold hard ground.

 

x x

 

A strange sensation it was, being strangled. “Let’s share some secrets, just the both of us,” the half-ghoul had said. Haise was outmatched, his quinque doing damage, but the ghoul said that _it didn’t hurt_ , that it was nothing compared to what he _suffered_ these past years. Then suddenly, both of his pale white hands were on Haise’s neck, strangling him.

Haise was going to send out Urie to get Mutsuki to safety - the boy didn’t need to do anymore, it was enough traumatizing events for one day,- but Mutsuki had came at the worse possible time on his own. The previous squads that had encountered this ghoul...well, let’s just say that they were no more. Even the higher ranking officers died at the hands of this ghoul. The half-ghoul was so strong, he even caught Haise off guard. He didn’t let any of the Quinx squad come into the heat of the battle; Haise didn’t want them to die fighting an opponent like this. Saiko was scared shitless. Urie and Shirazu already had their kagune out anyway, just in case.

 

Out of his right eye, he could spot Hide slowly approaching them. _No_ , he want to tell him.  _It's too dangerous._

 

“Takizawa-san. It’s been a long time. I didn’t think that you were the kind to throw away your humanity.” Hide spoke carefully, though Haise didn’t understand a thing he was saying. Takizawa? Who was he talking to? There wasn’t anyone named Takizawa in the CCG, and Haise doesn’t recall any ghoul with that nickname. It didn’t sound like a nickname. It was only when the ghoul replied that Haise realized that Hide was talking to  _him._

 

“ _It wasn’t a choice_ ,” the insane half-ghoul replied, the response somewhat resembling a growl. “I did not want to dIE! I still DO NOT WANT TO DIE! I will kill you all,” he said, whispering the last part.

 

“No,” Hide replied, his voice slowly rising in volume. Haise heard the calm exterior cracking away, revealing the anger hidden deep down. “You turned into a ghoul - it was Kanou, that bastard again, wasn’t it, - but you didn’t have to turn to a life of bloodshed. I knew someone in the same situation as you, but he hang onto his humanity until his final breath.”

 

“Oh. So you’re just comparing me to _this creature_ ,” Takizawa sneered, staring at Haise. “This weak, pathetic friend of yours.” The grip on his throat was tightening with every emphasis on his words, his lungs unable to breathe at all. Takizawa used one of his kagune to fling Hide across, making the blond man lie on the ground, barely moving. The white haired man desperately wanted to get his quinque and fight this...Takizawa. But he did not have it, and even with his kagune he was going to lose control and possibly endanger his squad members even more.

 

So this was how he was going to die.

 

“Superior’s orders or no, I can’t stand around and watch anymore.”

It was Mutsuki, and the guy, still in his dress instead of the CCG battle suit, charged toward Takizawa. Haise’s eyes widened as he watched the small Quinx run faster and faster, revealing an ukaku kagune from the back - not even Haise knew that Mutsuki was capable of this -, the long blue crystal wings shattering into Takizawa’s hands, loosening his grip on Haise. Haise had never seen his kagune before, so this was the first time. He felt like maybe it was also the last time if he didn't survive this ordeal.

 

Hide had also stood up and activated his kagune after recovering from the blow, the long tendrils reaching towards Haise and pulling him back. There was warmth radiating from the kagune, the slippering organ holding onto Haise at his waist then settling him down on his feet. Free from Takizawa’s grasps, the wounds on his neck where his nails had dug into his skin were beginning to heal. The blond looked angry, his kagune whiplashing at Takizawa’s face, body, and arms, leaving the SS ranked ghoul no time to counter. The rest of the squad simply stared in wonder - and fear - of the Rank 1 investigator Hideyoshi Nagachika. They did not know about how strong his kagune was. For someone that happy and carefree most of the time to have this immense power was something they didn’t see all the time. Hide was so focused on murdering that ghoul, it didn’t even seem like he was the same person.

 

Spluttering, Haise choked and spit on the floor for a couple seconds before regaining his posture. He had to fight now.

 

“It’s okay, Sasaki-san. To use your kagune.” Shirazu had appeared behind the two, his eyes stared at Takizawa with determination. “We’ll fight too.” Takizawa wasted no time listening to their useless babbling, and took the chance to aim for their heads. Like a freshly picked pineapple, he used his kagune to aim for Haise again; Haise ducked his head just in time for Takizawa’s kagune to barely miss the top of his head.

 

“H-ey~ CCG’s also turning people into artificials ghouls, but they still blame Aogiri Tree?”

 

“Shut the hell up,” Hide said. “Haise, please let me handle this.”

 

So Haise simply watched, feeling incredibly useless.He couldn’t fight even if he wanted to, because he felt another suffocating headache coming on. He felt his eyes closing.

 

The room was back.

Checkered floor, black walls. The occasional scream rang out in his ears. He didn’t know it it came from this room, or some voices from the outside reality was getting to him. Haise didn’t have to turn around to feel his presence close to him again. Cold fingers touched his shoulders, a smooth voice whispering into his ears.

 

_“Haise. You’re being weak, again?”_

 

Hey. Hey. Let me out! I’m supposed to be fighting!

 

_“You can’t fight without my strength. Seidou Takizawa is correct; you are absolutely nothing. You are weak. Sasaki Haise, you are nothing without me._ _Do you want the squad to be taken away from you? Their bodies lying six feet under because of your poor decisions, their young lives lost. Do you want Hide to disappear again, Hide, who was so precious to you but you forgot him anyway? Think about what Akira will say if you jeopardize the mission because you were too w e a k. Do you think Arima Kishou spared you so you could make everyone else die? Think about all the other investigators that had died at the hands of this half-ghoul. Think about their sacrifices. There’s no time to think about it anymore, Haise. My strength is something you need.”_

 

Walking forward, the other him grabbed his right hand from behind him.

 _Crack_ , went his index finger.

 

x x

 

Rumours spread fast, especially in the CCG. So when news reached Hide of a half-ghoul Rank 1 investigator going batshit crazy over the S ranked ghoul Serpent, he knew that it was his best friend Kaneki Ken. It was certainly matching the details of what happened those years ago in V14, where he had witnessed his best friend clearly out of his mind, with a dangerous looking mask on.

 

Of course, seeing him actually in action three years later was a completely other story. All of a sudden, Haise stopped simply watching the squad attack, and pushed them back with his own kagune. He started stabbing the other half-ghoul, his kagune lighting-fast, repeating his stabs over and over again. The rest of the squad immediately stopped attacking Takizawa and backed off, even though he showed no sign of stopping the carnage any time soon. The squad had called for reinforcements from other CCG investigators nearby to help, but they were mostly there for Haise, should he run out of control. Akira had arrived, a long quinque with red dots spotted all over in her right hand, informing the rest of the squad that Nutcracker was already taken care of. Urie looked pained, distressed, even- probably due to the fact that it was that ghoul that this mission was focused on targeting, and now he failed to kill her himself. No promotion for himself, was probably what he was thinking. Hide just really hoped Haise didn’t go completely insane again, because Seidou Takizawa was already too big of a monster to handle. It seemed like it has already happened, though. He watched from the sides as Hide stepped back away from the fight as the two white haired men slash each other with their kagune, each matching the insanity of the other. This was truly what it was like to watch two ghouls created artificially by Kanou fight. Both having suffered an enormous amount of torture. Hide expecting Mutsuki to be somewhat afraid, but somehow the teen had an inexplicably proud expression on his face. Saiko was quivering, and Shirazu explained to Hide that she has never seen her ‘Maman’ act like this before.

 

By now, Haise had Takizawa pinned onto the floor. The power struggle was equal, but it seems like in the end, Haise had won. His kagune formed together into a massive being, ready to strike the other ghoul at the heart. He would have killed the ghoul there and then, but a massive being suddenly flew down from above, standing right behind Haise.

 

“Another ghoul?” Takizawa questioned while looking up calmly even though he was pinned under an insane version of Haise. “I’ve never seen you around before. Part of some secretive ghoul society I’m not informed of?” At this point in time, even Haise stopped, his kagune moving more into a defensive position. Hide swore something passed through his best friend’s head during those five seconds that he stared at the ghoul- his face was contorted in confusion and yet, recognition. Haise got off of Takizawa, forgetting his target.

 

“I am a ghoul, but I will not side with unjust ones such as you.” The ghoul lifted his mask off, throwing it onto the ground. Hide looked at the now exposed face that was underneath the mask. A face with elongated, arched eyebrows and a serious expression like in those martial arts movies he used to watch as a teen.

 

“It’s been three years, but I recognize that face, that voice~ A-mon Ko-ta-rou~ Hey, you’re just like Haise now!” Takizawa ran up to attack [[[[[ doing his naruto run mhmhmh --- ok i’ll stop now but imagine takizawa canonly running like naruto oh my god ]]]]]], but Amon stopped the ghoul immediately, stabbing him through his chest, ramming his quinque sword through the chest of the half-ghoul. Akira, for some reason, was staring in shock, unable to move. Her face held a pang of recognition for the ghoul that just arrived. Hide will be bothering her about that later.

 

“He won’t be back for a while,” said the ghoul which Takizawa had called ‘Amon’. Amon carried Takizawa off, running off before the CCG even had time to react.

  
  


With his kagune retracted and the back of his uniform now torn, Haise Sasaki was back to normal, and sobbing his heart out.

 

“ _I thought I killed him, but I didn’t. Amon is still alive. I’m not a murderer_ ,” Haise - no, this was  _Kaneki_  -cried. Hide didn't understand what his friend was going on and on about, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was doing it out of relief. Haise sounded like a huge weight was just lifted from his shoulders.


	8. intermezzo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short ( i swear it looked so much longer it google docs, why are all my chapters so short dammit ) , sweet chapter from hinami and ayato's pov, something to distrac- I mean, prepare you guys for the actual action next chapter :D

 

The action hall was filled with investigators, but then again, she had expected it. Aogiri Tree knew about everything. The CCG would follow them anywhere, after all. Ayato had told her to hide somewhere with Aogiri Tree’s members where the CCG wouldn’t find them. So now the only action that Hinami Fueguchi could take was sit in front of members assembled in an in an orderly fashion, waiting for the opportunity to take action. She had no idea where Naki was ( that idiot…he always goes off on his own ) and Hinami hoped that he wouldn’t accidentally die today. Ayato was probably in battle while she sat here uselessly, and growing more impatient with every minute passing. Just a couple minutes ago, she was sitting in the auction hall with Ayato and probably close to two or three hundred ghouls. Then whom Ayato had called ‘Suzuya’ from the CCG attacked, filling the ghouls with panic.

 

It has been a while since she has seen CCG investigators in a large group, the last time being three years ago. The Owl Suppression Operation, the mission that the CCG took upon themselves so that they can get rid of everything good in Hinami’s life. First her father, then her mother, everyone at Anteiku- and Kaneki Ken, someone who she considered to be just like family to her- her brother.

 

Speaking of her parents and loved ones…

Even in this well-hidden area, she could hear the fighting going on not so far away from here. The sound of quinques clashing with kagune was to be expected, but she didn’t expect to smell something so familiar.. _.Her mother._

Somehow, Hinami didn’t end up crying. The death was so many years ago, the emotion that she felt right now was only what could be described as numbness. The ghoul stood up, excused herself from the other members, and stepped down to join the fight; to fight with the investigator with her mother’s kagune.

 

What she saw down there shocked her. Landing on her feet, she put her mask tightly on, secured on her face. Hinami didn’t want to go into a fight without making sure she knew what was going on first, so she simply hid, her back against the auction building’s wall. Around a dozen or so investigators were gathered around an area where the fight was happening. She saw what was her mother’s kagune in a tall blonde woman’s hands, but she wasn’t using it to fight. The women was merely observing a fight going on between ghouls with a worried expression, and it looked like one of them was completely overpowering the other. The two ghouls both had white hair - just like her ‘brother’ - and while one of them had a ragged choice of clothing that was similar to what the Tree members sported, the other ghoul wore an investigator’s uniform. _The other ghoul belongs to the CCG_ , she thought, grimacing. _Aren’t ghouls their enemy?_

 

The investigator looked so fragile as he was thrown around by the ghoul and then the overpowered ghoul proceeded to tighten his pale hands on the Dove’s neck. When they were finally still, finally stopped moving around so fast, Hinami could make out the face of the investigator.

 

It had been three years, sure, but she couldn’t possibly forget someone who had treated Hinami with such kindness and care. His was different, with two tones of both black and white making up his ruffled head of hair, and taller, but it was still the face of **Kaneki Ken**. The same Kaneki Ken who disappeared three years ago after the thing that changed the lives of ghouls in the 20th ward, the Kaneki Ken who was a ghoul, not someone that partnered up with the investigators of the organization that had killed her family.

 

More ‘ghouls’ rushed off to fight, finally decided that ignoring the enemy and just standing there would do their leader no help. They were all dressed in the typical CCG armour, and all were - Hinami simply gaped at this part, though she bit her lip to not give away her surprise - _half ghouls._

 

She wanted to help so badly, but that would warrant her death as well, with one 17 year old girl against multiple CCG investigators and a ghoul that was rampaging and causing havoc everywhere.

 

She wanted to help, but Hinami doesn’t know which side she belonged on anymore.

 

x x

 

“Ayato.” Hinami frowned. “That’s not how you do it.”

 

Sitting down and tending to his multiple wounds, with Naki passed out beside him was really not his ideal way of spending a Saturday afternoon after Friday night at the auction. It was already morning when he got back with Naki, Torso and Hinami at their apartment ( okay, so it was more Ayato’s apartment that he shared with Hinami. He didn’t want Naki or Torso there, but the two had no place to stay, after all. ). The three all had their troubles to deal with; Naki lost his two best friends, Torso had heavy wounds after deciding to pick a fight with Tsukiyama’s loyal lapdog Kanae, and Hinami wasn’t faring all that well after remembering people about the past she’d tried so hard to bury.

 

Sighing, he held his arm out for a concerned Hinami to properly disinfect and bandage up. Suzuya had used RC suppression gas on Ayato yesterday when he was fleeing, and that along with several knives stuck on the surface of his skin did not help his regeneration- which, if he could add, was already pretty weak for a ghouls. Hinami skillfully wrapped the white fabric around his left arm, then his right. Ayato winced, which didn’t go without notice from Hinami.

 

“Maybe you should rest for a while; there’s no need to train after being so injured,” she quietly murmured while her eyes casted downwards at Ayato. “Perhaps we could share the information that was gained during this mission.”

 

“Yeah, but if we had a discussion on that, I don’t think it would be a really long one,” Ayato smirked despite himself.

 

And like that time when Ayato told Naki that if he sent a letter to Yamori with Heaven’s address on it so he could talk to his ‘big bro’ again as a joke, Hinami only stared at Ayato, sighing in disapproval.

 

 


	9. i'll be the one if you want me to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haise finds it stored in the archives while he was looking for Nutcracker’s investigation file after the auction plan for his investigation report. At that time, he didn’t know that the envelope that he accidentally found out able instead of the file would change his life as ‘Sasaki Haise’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oH MY GOD THIS WAS THE CHAPTER I WAS WAITING FOREVER TO WRITE AND THE REASON WHY I EVEN WANTED TO START THIS MASSIVE FIC enJOY AND PLEASE LEAVE COMMENT!

 

The promotion ceremony is something the CCG held every time major achievements are rewarded upon an investigator. With investigators filling the large hall, observing the ceremony about to take place; Urie is more than ecstatic, for he hopes that he will finally achieve Rank 1 and beat Sasaki ( put that ghoul in his place ). That is, if Sasaki do not also receive a promotion, Urie thought, scowling. But it wouldn’t happen. Sasaki had messed up and practically ruined the mission. In front of the room, Yoshitoki Washuu gave out promotion for the investigators that survived the auction raid and bestowed the medals of honour and promoted them to the rank that they deserved. The Quinx squad and the other squads of the CCG ( missing members - probably died or still recovering, Urie observed ) were seated in rows in front of the stage. It had been a month since the operation, and they all came back with injuries that needed to recover, whether it was emotional or physical. Surprisingly, Urie has heard next to no gossip in the building about their squad mentor this past month. Which, was unexpected considering the way he just blown up at the ghoul and revealed his true nature as a ghoul; though considering the way Sasaki took care of Takizawa, everyone was probably too scared to.

 

Takizawa, on the other hand, had been the talk of CCG for days. The higher ups recognized his name, though they were shocked to see such a change. Though it was soon replaced by acceptance, since from his case, they pinpointed down the man who was turning previous investigators that was lost three years ago into ghouls- Dr. Kanou, the same doctor that had transformed their squad mentor. It seemed like they ended up discovering a lot more than they had expected to at that auction. The Nutcracker herself was completely slaughtered at the hands of the Hirako squad, although the fight with the Clowns did not leave them unscathed. One of the members had to be hospitalized, though Urie was sure that the guy would surely get a promotion after.

 

“Rank 3 Mutsuki Tooru,” Yoshitoki said. “Thanks to your efforts along with Associate Special Class Suzuya, we were able to infiltrate and annihilate the target ghoul with success. You have been promoted to Rank 2.” _Tch_ , Urie thought. Mutsuki was nothing more than useless, simply dragging the team down. All that Mutsuki did during the auction was act like a sitting duck for a ll the ghouls. Urie himself would certainly be promoted to at least Associate Special Class after all the ghouls he killed single handedly ( with Suzuya, though he would never admit it ) during the case.

 

“Rank 1 Hideyoshi Wa- pardon me, Hideyoshi Nagachika.” The Washuu stumbled upon his words, something Urie had never seen before, as Yoshitoki was normally a very composed and collected man. “Promoted to First Class investigator.”

No matter, he would only care about his own promotion. Urie put his earbuds in, ready to take them out once he hears the faint call of his own name.

 

A couple minutes that only felt like eternity to the black haired man passes as the important investigator called up members of other squads and his own - dammit, even Shirazu got promoted  - before he recognizes the sound of his name being called up.

 

“Rank 2 Urie Kuki, promoted to Rank 1.” Urie practically ran up to the stage, tearing off his earbuds before remembering that everyone else was watching and quickly returned to his usual deadpan look. He shook hands with the Washuu, then turned back to his own seat with an unusually flushed red face. Oh god, was promotion really making his this-- this happy? He sat down, casting a dirty look to Shirazu and Sasaki. _I win_ , he thinks.

 

Before _it_ happened.

 

“Rank 1 Sasaki Haise, you will be promoted to Associate Special Class.” His squad mentor looked surprised, but the shock was quickly replaced with seriousness. Sasaki stepped up to the dais, his face smiling melancholically.

 

“Fuck it,” mumbled Urie under his breath, his previous excitement slightly dampened by just that single sentence that made Sasaki Haise better than himself, once again.

 

x x

 

“Associate Special Class, think you’re so special now, Haise?” Juuzou smirked at the taller man, but his voice was light.

 

What happened after the ceremony was just the usual routine - the Quinx went back to the Chateau, did their usual thing, and Haise returned to the CCG in the morning. The rest of the squad stayed at home, since there were no new cases to take up and something about Hide taking them somewhere as a reward for a successful mission. It was time for another meeting between squad leaders, and after the meeting they would have to write a report for the auction case and the events that occurred during. Haise shuddered, not without Juuzou noticing.

 

“Hey, it’s not going to be that bad! The meeting, that is. I mean, you got promoted, so now at least you can put that Matsuri Washuu in his place,” Juuzou said as an attempt to lighten the mood.

 

“You’re right,” Haise sighed, ruffling his rumpled two toned hair. yawning. “I haven’t had any coffee for so long, my nose kagune is acting up! I can’t write any more reports, this is reminding me of university too much” He tried to jokingly whine , but it came out as a tired croak instead. Hell, he didn’t even remember if he went to university, or which one he went to. Haise didn’t really want to know either, because it just reminded him that he left the people in his old life behind. _The CCG really shouldn’t let me work in the mornings_ , Haise thought. He was barely functional with the lack of a cup of good coffee keeping him up these days.

 

Juuzou and him walked to the room where they were supposed to meet with other squad leaders, and waited until the man of the hour showed up to order them around ( again ).

They expected Matsuri, of course, but behind him walked Arima Kishou, someone who was clearly too important to take part of some kind of small meeting like this. As he thought about it, Haise didn’t really see Arima attend any kind of CCG meeting, only showing up when major events occur. The white haired man sat down, and the meeting starts.

 

x x

 

Throughout the entire meeting, Arima Kishou did not speak a word. Perhaps, Haise mused, this was why the man did not attend much of the meetings. As soon as they left the room, Haise stopped in his tracks, looking up at the white haired man standing in front of him, blocking his way to the elevator down.

 

“Arima-san? Is there something I can do for you?”

 

“Yes. Come with me.”

 

Wordlessly, the older man led Haise into a locked room. _( A.N: this isnt what you think hush )_ The hall was otherwise silent except for the clicking of the two men’s shoes on the tiles. The door had a sign that said ‘Authorized Personnel’, but Arima was...on top of the top to put it nicely, so he thought that if was alright, as long as he was with him.

 

“I think I misplaced the Nutcracker information file somewhere with the archives of files of investigators from three years ago and their wills, perhaps deleted the file from the CCG database too. It’s only on a paper copy somewhere here now, Haise. Hopefully you could find it and retrieve it for me? You can’t write your report without it either,” Arima sounded cold, but Haise picked up on some form of cruel amusement in it too. He simply lost and deleted the file for the ghoul they were _investigating_? That was out of character, since Arima didn’t seemed like the type to simply lose something. Then again, Haise never really did understand this enigmatic man in front of him either; maybe Arima was secretly unorganized and was only overpowering in battle? Perhaps that was it.

 

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” Just like that, the man left as soon as he came.

 

Haise got to work, organizing piles of paper from the bins. Hopefully he could find it. The tiny room didn’t seem so tiny anymore, with all the bins containing thousands of papers surrounding him. The boxes stacked on shelves, so close to each other that there was barely any room to separate them.

 

It didn’t occur to him until much later that all the other squad leaders had to write the report too, and none of them had been brought here by Arima. Haise never did find out his motive for bringing him here, but it was just the thing to trigger the series of events that would soon happen.

x x

 

Hide tried to make the best of the situation. He didn’t want to take any chances, so instead of attacking blindly again, the blond held himself up ( with much difficulty, unfortunately ) against the cold wall of the training room. I’ve underestimated them, Hide thought. Then again, even with a kagune and Associate Special Class rank, he was bad in battle unless he had the intention to hurt someone grievously. Like what he did with Takizawa. Obviously, Haise and Akira both would murder Hide if he wounded the squad like that, but Hide was really bad at fighting with his hands. This was why they decided they needed this training session in the first place. Shirazu simply grinned, elbowing Urie. The two taller teens loomed over a crouching and frightened Hideyoshi Nagachika.

 

“I-I give up…”

 

Urie stepped back, while Shirazu slapped Mutsuki on the back. The boy looked surprised initially before the look on his face changed to a proud expression. The three of them combined had cornered Hide and defeated him, with Mutsuki being the brains of the operation.

 

“Let’s go get some dinner…” Mutsuki said as he trailed off, eyes staring at the clock on the wall. “I don’t think Sasaki-sensei is arriving home anytime soon, though. He’s usually back before five, and it’s already six. The meeting’s probably taking a while…”

 

“Well, I would cook, but I’m tired as hell!” Hide laughed, massaging his left arm with his right. Damn, if he wasn’t a ‘half-ghoul’ it would probably be cut opened and bruised all over. “And frankly, I don’t trust any of you guys in the kitchen. Saiko’s cooking already made me spend more than five hours in the washroom that time, and I’m not ready to experience that again,” he frowned as he remembered the turmoil that had went on in his stomach.

 

“I’ll order pizza!” yelled Saiko, still lying on her stomach. _Oh_. Hide had forgotten she was even there, since the small investigator was barely participating in the training. Hopefully she didn’t overhear his comments about her cooking.

 

“You go, Saiko!”

 

“Yes!!” They watched as Saiko ran the fastest they’ve ever seen her run upstairs, getting her iPhone to order.

 

“Haise never lets us have pizza,” Shirazu explained to a very confused Hide. “We’re investigators that have to manage our diet, after all.”

 

“If it’s just once in a while, he will never know.” Hide almost grinned despite himself. _Kaneki is just as uptight as ever, huh?_

  
  


Dinner that evening had been the most fun Hide experienced for awhile.

 

It brought back a sense of familiarity, and perhaps it was just the longing for someone to spend his time with. The Quinx had been boisterous, all of them celebrating that evening. If he had to change one thing, Hide would have wanted Haise to be there with him too. The months spent in the hospital, and never knowing if his best friend was even alive was torture to him. When he did find out about Kaneki, it only brought him more troubles with Arima Kishou. But he was here with him and his four subordinates now, and that was all that mattered. Sitting with them around the dinner table, all of the investigators together gave him such a heartwarming feeling of home.

 

The five of them chattering ( if you included Urie, who only spoke up to insult Shirazu ), the dim street lights shining outside the large glass windows, the taste of pizza inside Hide’s mouth, the thought that these four teens were the people that Haise were mentoring... Hide wished that this moment would replay itself forever.

 

Then Haise opened the front door with the loudest slam disturbing their dinner, staring accusingly at Hide with snow covering his mop of hair. He was about to laugh, but then saw Haise's blotchy eyes.

 

x x

 

Alias : Centipede

Name : Kaneki Ken

Age : 20

Date of Birth : ??

Weight: 

* * *

 

 

Everything after that had been blocked out, including a portion of Kaneki’s face. On top of everything, a stamp that read **[ ERASED ]** was on the page, covering the rest. Haise didn’t know why but...

The voice was back.

 

 _This is what you are_ , he whispered.

 

A coffee shop. The smell of hamburgers.

 

_“Hey Kaneki, maybe you’re a ghoul!” the blond said excitedly._

_“Idiot,” the black haired boy said, closing his eyes. “I think you would be very dead if I was a ghoul, Hide.”_

A smile. The playful voice of his best friend.

 

_“Good luck, delu-sion-boy~!”_

A tall building, night time. Metal beams, falling. A bookstore date, gone horribly wrong.

_“You see, I was looking at you too…”_

_“But bet you’ve never noticed...that I too, aM ONE OF THEM!”_

 

A foreign man. A church. The man who tried to kill his best friend, crying.

 

_“You see, I want to eat Kaneki-kun while he is eating! That is what I want!”_

 

Windows shattered. False promises. Toes being broken, fingers ripped off, only to grow back. Chains, shackles, a bloodied chair, the ground; tainted with red. A man. A woman. Lust for power. Freedom. Pain. Centipede. 1000-7. Yamori. Rize. A realization.

 

_“I wasn’t the one eating, I was the one being eaten."_

 

A sewer. Everyone dying. Manager. A blond haired boy, discovering his best kept secret. He failed to protect him. Kaneki ate him. _Did he die?_  He drowned in a pool of red. Blindness. Then, rest.

 

_“Let’s go home.”_

No.

 

The blue sky still appears after the tragedy.

_"Let's just rest for a while."_

 

Haise didn’t know how it had happened, but he was shaking, his hand trembling. Returning from his flashback, he realized that he was holding an envelope, no longer the file for the ‘Centipede’. Taking in deep breaths, he tried to calm himself down - the other him included. Usually, he didn’t remember the visions that the other ‘him’ had shown him, but this time everything was recorded in his mind in vivid detail. Haise remembered the laughter, the smell of human food, then the torture, the pain, and the lost of him.

 

For some reason, even when Haise lost control of his body, the other him grabbed onto this envelope. Haise wondered what was so important about it before he turned it around and just the name on the manilla paper turned his blood cold. There were other documents scattered around, no longer archived neatly in its respective box. Forget Nutcracker, Haise knew that Arima didn’t have the incompetence to really lose the CCG’s information on a rank S ghoul. This was what he had to find. The paper on the ground read:

 

**Hideyoshi Nagachika, MISSING IN ACTION**

**LAST SEEN : OWL SUPPRESSION OPERATION**

 

The envelope in Haise’s hand was slipping. “ _Shit_ ,” Haise muttered. He had to calm down. Chest heaving, ears pounding, but he was ready to read what was in the envelope. To think that Hideyoshi Nagachika was missing all those years ago and only joined Haise’s squad now, the fact that Haise knew that he knew Hide when he saw him in :RE, those visions from his other self, the fact that he knew how a younger Hideyoshi Nagachika looked like...it was all connecting way faster than he wanted to.

 

Haise was incredibly curious and frightened, but he thought better of it and glanced at the clock. 6:20 PM, it read. The investigator gathered himself and walked out the halls with a hurried pace. The strength in his legs was fading, and there was just enough money in his pockets to hail a taxi.

 

6:28 PM, now. A white taxi arrived.

“Destination?”

 

Haise climbed inside the car, holding tears in just to speak his address. Once he gathered himself and sat down, trembling, he opened the envelope titled _Hideyoshi Nagachika - Will. 2012._

x x

 

If you’re reading this, I’m probably dead. Or who knows, maybe the ghouls deemed me too unattractive and disgusting to eat! I might be alive! Ah, I’m sorry, I can’t even write something serious, even for this… I’ve never written a will before, and I don’t know how to. I’m sorry. I don’t really know how to divide my possessions or whatever, since I never really had much in the first place, so this is just a letter to the people that knew me. Hopefully, you will have already forgotten about me.

 

To everyone I’ve left behind, I’m sorry.

There was someone that compelled me to join in on this mission, and I knew the risks. My mind was already made up a long time ago. I had to save the person that I cherished the most, even if it meant sacrificing my life for his.

 

Sorry, Dad. You did put me up to this mission in the first place. Or was it my fault after all? There probably weren’t any other choices for me to take.

Sorry, Mom, for always making you worry about me as a kid. I can’t believe I ended up at heaven before you did!

 

Everyone at Anteiku, I knew the truth all along. I knew Kaneki had finally made some new friends, and I’m happy for him. Even if it meant keeping his secret from me, and spending less time with his amazing best friend! I’m still happy for him, albeit being left out all the time! Maybe, if I was just a bit more diligent in protecting the people at Anteiku, this wouldn’t had happened. If only I told you guys that I knew  what was going on,...But by that time, you were already out of my reach. I don’t think you guys would ever get to read this, after all, this mission was to wipe out you guys in the first place.

 

Hey, Kaneki. Remember that time when we were all in that play in what, third grade ? You were dazzling on stage, and I would always remember the lines you spoke so vividly even years after that. When your mother died, I felt like something was drained out of you. You were still the same person, but I felt like you just had something big taken away from you. I tried to be there for you and cheer you up. It was hard to be happy when the person you were trying so hard to be happy for was so down. The year that we got into Kamii was pretty amazing, wasn’t it? Finally, a life of our own. But it was taken away so fast, in the blink of an eye. If only I had acted according to  my gut feeling and warn you about what I thought about the girl you were so interested in was planning…Things would be so different now, wouldn’t it? After that, you were the same person, except I noticed you jumping at the tiniest mentions of your weight and appetite. Your favourite hamburgers didn’t even make you feel better. I decided not to tell you that I knew, nor did I bring it up. Of course, after what happened with Nishiki and I was beaten bloody, it was blatantly obvious that everyone at Anteiku was a ghoul. So were you. I still didn’t bring it up. I wish I did.

If I had any regrets, it would be that I didn’t tell you that I knew. I knew all along. But I waited for the right time, and by then, it was already too late and things spiraled out of control.

I already _knew_ , man! I just wanted to go home together with you. Back to our life before all this happened.

 

I think that if I survive the mission, I would go tell you all these things in person. Please wait up for me, Kaneki.

* * *

 

Haise was crying as he climbed out the car, hiccuping due to his tears. Why was he feeling this way? Why now? Handing over the fare to the driver, the man kindly declined his handful of bills.

 

“Keep it. It seems like you’ve had quite a hard day.”

 

 _Biggest understatement of the century,_ Haise thought.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also known as ‘the promotion chapter’. Urie is happy, everyone is happy, just not Haise. None of the happiness for you, Haise.


	10. anywhere i would've followed you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'nani sore,' haise spat.
> 
> 'lol sorry for not telling you that you almost ate me hahahahaha' hide laughed, disappearing as he smoked the 420 blaze it as he weed into the heavens.
> 
> this summary is less serious than this entire chapter so dont take it seriously  
> though it probably would happen if hide was high on weed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man. oh man. chapter 27 fuck me up  
> arima come save your son already haise iS NOT R E A D Y

The taxi driver handed Haise a business card. “Koma Enji,” Haise read aloud. Underneath the name was his phone number and address. “Huh?” he questioned the man.

The driver named Koma simply left Haise at the door of the Chateau, already driving away, waving goodbye. _Find me when you’re ready,_ he thinks.

 

Wiping his tears, Haise simply stood in front of the door, unable to confront them. The encounter with the taxi driver was strange, and even if the man was simply promoting his service, Haise couldn’t help but think that there was something suspicious going on.

Snow was blowing down hard, and his pale hair was covered in it. Shivering, he opened the door.

 

x x

 

Taking in a deep breath, he finally spoke. No, that wasn’t right- it was much louder than his speaking volume. The normally cool tempered, ever so smiling Haise Sasaki was yelling at Hide, albeit trembling a bit. The rest of the Quinx looked equally taken aback. “Sassan...is that you?” Shirazu questioned, an incredulous look on his face. Haise simply ignored him to glare at Hide.

 

“Your name is Hideyoshi Nagachika,” Haise snapped. “No one knows your birthday. In your file it only stated your age and name, a photo of you wasn’t even provided. I don’t even know if Nagachika is your real name, after seeing Yoshitoki Washuu mess up at the promotion ceremony and almost call you Hideyoshi Washuu. I’ve only known you for little more than what, one or two months? But everytime I see I get this pang of familiarity and it eats at me away from the insides like how I had eaten ghouls for months before Arima finally decided to kill my past self and - and…” Haise paused, blinking back tears before he started rambling again. “And for some reason, I get incredibly happy whenever I see you but you’ve already seen me now and you didn’t even tell me any of this and I know you probably forgot what you wrote here after all I’ve put you through - I know the pain, the suffering - and I know I’m not him but I also am Kaneki Ken at the same time and I would probably just give anything to be your best friend again, please. Though you probably secretly hate me because I tried to eat you and I thought you were dead after that and I lived these past two years of my life as a _lie_!” he screamed.

 

Whoa. _Whoa_. How the hell did Haise remember so much in one afternoon? Hide thought. The blond simply gaped at the man, wanting more of an explanation that this. It has been one month or so, and his cover has already been blown. Akira wouldn’t be too happy about this, and forget about Arima. The white haired man would probably give Haise another three years of being an amnesiac after this, and get Hide kicked out of the CCG, regardless of his lineage and relation with the Washuu family.

 

In Mutsuki’s head, gears were spinning. If their squad leader already came to those conclusions, then it wasn’t a coincidence that Hide was just ‘randomly’ assigned to the squad. This man had something to do with Sasaki Haise’s past, and he wasn’t just a small part of it, like Serpent was. He didn’t know what was in the envelope that their squad leader was clutching onto with his life, but he did know that it was due to its existence that Sasaki was like this now.

 

Only after the rambling did Saiko pull out one of her earbuds ( Urie did the same ); being engrossed in her game. She looked away for three minutes and this happened? Everyone else was quiet, staring at the man covered in snow in front of the door.

 

Shirazu was horrified. Only he had asked about Hide’s involvement with Haise, so he knew that Hide knew about their squad leader back then. But he didn’t realize that it went to this extent. His _best friend in his past life_. From what Sassan said, the man also suffered alongside with ‘Kaneki Ken’.

 

A minute later, they are still standing in shock - all of them unsure of what to say to respond to this situation in an appropriate manner.

 

Three minutes later, Saiko awkwardly closes her game and starts fumbling with her fingers. suddenly very interested in her nails. Urie, bored already of this drama quietly went back to his room.

Six minutes later, Hide managed to splutter out “W-what are you even talking about? Haise, let’s just talk about it...please.”

 

Ten minutes later, the two excused themselves from the rest of the squad, leaving the three remaining teens confused and anxiously worried out of their minds. Haise wordlessly led Hide into his immaculately clean room, footsteps louder than usual. The squad mentor gestured to the chair, indicating that he wanted Hide to sit there as he plopped himself on the bed. Dusting his coat off, he put his snow covered coat on the hanger, removing the envelope from the front pocket. Once they’ve both settled down, the white haired man pulled out a piece of paper with messy handwriting on it. Handwriting that Hide recognized as his own.

 

“Do you know what this is?”

 

“It’s...my will. From three years ago. The 20th Ward...”

 

“Yes.”

 

“A-aha...wow, I can’t believe the CCG kept that after all those years! Is that really mine?”

 

“No, it’s not yours, Hide. Like how I wasn’t Kaneki Ken in a previous life that killed hundreds of other ghouls and led myself down the path of insanity. Like how I almost ate you.”

 

His heart broke. _This isn’t a time for your stupid joking around, Hideyoshi Nagachika_ , he chided himself. “Haise - it’s not your fault. You didn’t have a choice. I did. And my choice? I chose to save you, I was the one that didn’t plan it as well as I should have, and I was the one that offered you - in your starved state - my flesh.  We- we were even in the same hospital when we were recovering,” he whispered. “After six months, I couldn’t bare to lose you again. I was devastated when Arima defeated you, but knowing that you were fine and recovering gave me a reason to carry on. You’re my reason to live, Kaneki, Haise, whatever you want to go by. I wanted nothing to do with the CCG, but Arima found me, well and..now I’m reunited with you! Your time spent as an investigator, not knowing anything wasn’t a waste. Think about the amount of the people you hel-”

 

“I harmed more than I helped,” Haise interrupted. “I didn’t want you to know that I’m...I’m...a **monster**. But you knew already, didn’t you?” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It was mocking, condescending almost.

 

“That’s not true,” Hide said. “You’ve helped so many people, more than you think. These past two years weren’t a lie. Do you even know how important you are to me, Kaneki? Please don’t shoulder your burdens by yourself anymore...you have me. No matter what you do, no matter what happens, I’ll always be here.”

 

“But I almost killed yo- _oh_! Oh,” he shuddered, feeling Hide's fingers on his back.

 

Hide had suddenly got off his chair and pulled Haise into a hug ( albeit almost tackling him to the ground ), stroking his back up and down like how he comforted Kaneki when he was upset, holding his hands and massaging circles into them with Hide’s slender yet calloused fingers. “Almost, but I’m still here, aren’t I? It’ll be okay now, Haise.” Through his thin shirt, the blond could feel the wetness of his best friend’s tears on the same shoulder that was bitten by him those few years ago as he held Haise, hiccuping as he cried until he fell into a peaceful sleep.

 

“Goodnight, Haise.” Hide pulled the blanket over his best friend’s body, hoping that he would have dreams of home tonight. Bending down, Hide kissed Haise on his cheek gently. _Fuck, I’ve waited ten years to do this._ “Let’s go take a break and see Touka-chan tomorrow.” He glanced at the top of the bookshelf, where The Black Goat's Egg still remained finished. Hide frowned; Kaneki had read that way too many times. It wasn’t much later when Hide also felt the effects of the tiring training catching up to him and soon, the two had both fell into peaceful slumbers, lying side by side like the old times.

 

That night, for the first time in two years, Hide dreamed of home.

 

x x

 

It was late at night, or the extremely early morning, and the last bus would have already left by now. Arima’s car was out of gas, and his phone was out of batteries. Everyone else in the CCG with the exception of some late workers would have left by now, and he didn’t want to embarrass himself asking for a ride home. It was dumb, to be such a proficient ghoul investigator but when it comes down to the most mundane things, Arima would forget how to manage them properly. Like how he thought he lost the file for Nutcracker but it was saved onto the CCG archives with multiple backup copies. _Oh well,_ he had to go to CCG early tomorrow anyway. It wouldn’t be the first time he had to stay overnight, as he and Taishi Fura had many years ago...

 

The next day, he was greeted by a tired Haise with blotchy eyes, indicating that he had cried for quite a while yesterday. It seemed like he wanted to ask the older man some questions, but after watching Haise debate about it in his head, he simply scratched his chin and said that it was ‘’nothing too important’’.

 

That reminds him.

 

“Is your report going well, Haise? It’s due soon.”

 

 _Oh_ , Haise completely forgot. “It’s going well, just gathering some data about her to put it in there,” he says as he scratches his chin. Haise couldn’t find the Nutcracker file yesterday, but it wasn’t too important anyway. Shirazu had fought the ghoul in person, albeit not even coming close to defeating her and had to retreat to help Haise in his own battle. He would just ask him about it later. Haise wasn’t going to tell Arima that he was crying over his past after discovering a file about himself and Hide, for it was embarrassing for a twenty-two year old in the CCG to do...whatever it was that Haise did yesterday. When he woke up, his neck was covered in drool, presumably from Hide - who was lying comfortably next to him. Obviously after that major discovery, he couldn’t have focused on a stupid report for Matsuri Washuu.

 

“Very well. I know that I led you into the archives room to search for the file for Nutcracker, but that was my mistake. It’s on the CCG database, should you decide to use it. But consider what you found an early birthday present.” It was also the same day as Arima’s birthday, but he figured Haise hadn’t discovered that just yet. Walking away to where he was supposed to meet with higher-ups, Arima left Haise gaping there.

 

_Huh? My birthday is in April. It's only December now._

_And how did Arima know that I found **it**?_

 

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Haise,  Arima was busy intimidating Marude for his phone charger.

 

x x

 

After a debriefing session with Akira about Takizawa ( just like her, she didn’t lose her composure at all. ) where the two simply swapped information about the events that occurred and what it could mean for the CCG and Kanou, Hide left the office with a heavy heart. Though it was only for a few minutes, he knew Akira had also seen Amon Koutarou, especially after Takizawa had announced his arrival by mocking him.

 

 _Amon and Takizawa both...I loved them_ , Akira had told Hide earlier. Hide had lost Kaneki, but Akira Mado had lost not only her mother, but also her father, and both investigators whom she was close to. At least ‘Kaneki’ was still alive and with Hide.

 

It was only noon, and all the business Hide had for the day was finished. Stomach grumbling, he decided it was time to formally reintroduce Touka and Haise.

 

**RECIPIENT : ‘not kaneki’**

**SUBJECT : lunch at :re?**

 

 _hey haise!! bring the kids. we’re going 2 :RE!!!!!_ (ᵔ̴̶̤᷄  ॣᵔ̴̶̤᷅⌯)

 

**RECIPIENT : Hideyoshi Nagachika**

**SUBJECT : RE : lunch at :re?**

 

_saiko is still sleeping. you go ahead, we’ll be there in twenty minutes. not sure about shirazu and saiko. ps. what does (ᵔ̴̶̤᷄  ॣᵔ̴̶̤᷅⌯) mean?_

__  
  


**RECIPIENT : ‘not kaneki’**

**SUBJECT : RE : RE : lunch at :re?**

 

_ᕙ།¯~͜ʖ~¯| you’re such an old man, haise! i’ll be waiting!! it’s almost noon, are you sure saiko isn’t just playing love live on her phone again? (＾་།＾)  i heard that another nozomi score match event started today and she’s only 2000 points away from the card!! im jealous!! im salty!! make her fail her live shows! break her full combos!! (ò_óˇ)_

Closing his phone with a sigh, Hide got up, straightened his tie,  ( AN : imagine hide in ccg coat TT _ TT that is just too self indulgent for me im going to go draw that omg ) and exited the CCG building. He wondered if Touka and Yomo would be glad, then his thoughts drifted over to the others that once worked at Anteiku. Although he didn’t know them that well, they were still a big part of Kaneki’s life, right? It would break him if he knew and Hide was sure even after remembering after reading his will, he did not remember all the people that were close to him. There must’ve been a lot of people attracted to the kind of aura Kaneki gave off, and of course with them he had no need to even attempt to resort to talking to Hide- no, he had to stop thinking that.

 

Twenty minutes later, he arrived at :RE, spotting Haise and company from not so far away.

 

 _I have to do a lot of explaining to Touka_ , Hide thought.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm getting busy with art so i'll probably work on this less and less  
> i guess i'll update when this chapter gets ten comments? this fic is getting way to long and the more i write the MORE I WRITE AND MORE PLOT HOLES APPEAR sobs this is why i draw dammit
> 
> aka the chapter where everyone screws up a little bit


	11. remember me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unexpected developments???  
> pretty lame chapter orz orz there is like zero interaction

“Yomo-san, Touka-chan...can we...talk?”

 

Haise and company had come and sat down just minutes after Hide had, and he had waited until they’ve ordered to finally tell them about the...new developments. He excused himself from the squad - earning some suspicious looks from Shirazu and Mutsuki - and told them that his coffee was _overcooked_. They obviously didn’t believe him.

  
  


Hide probably messed up. It _is_ a thing for coffee to be overcooked, right?  Anyway. Hide was incredibly nervous. He had been discharged from the hospital just two years ago, but working under CCG and fulfilling Arima Kishou’s demands had kept him busy until he moved in with the Quinx. He obviously did not have to travel from his ward to the 6th Ward to realize that Touka had relocated Anteiku - no, started :RE - over here. Hide himself had only found this peculiar cafe three months ago, and had been updating Touka about Kaneki and his life as Haise now. Touka had even visited him when he was in the hospital, carrying a bouquet of flowers for Hide. It had been unexpected, to be heavily injured even with his kagune and regenerative powers, but it had happened, and now it was over. That fight had been embarrassing, and he wasn’t on his guard at the time.

 

Yomo-san was always quiet, and Hide never really got to know him - after all, the older man pretending to be Touka’s family ( They look nothing alike, they can’t possibly be related …right? ) had never served in Anteiku when Hide visited Kaneki during his free time. Seeing him as a grouchy barista was funny, yet kind of sad at the same time. Looking towards Hide and then back to Yomo, who nodded, Touka finally spoke up.  “What is it, Nagachika-san?”

 

“It’s Hide, you forgot to call me by my name again!” he teased.

 

Touka frowned.

 

“A-anyway! We just have to have a quick talk about...” he stuttered, catching the now mature Touka’s pissed expression, something he rarely got to see these days. “It’s about Haise. Or...Kaneki. He knows who I was to him now,”

 

“What does that have to do with me?” Touka replied.

 

“Well, uh, he remembers that...and the fact that he was Kaneki Ken, a half-ghoul, half-insane after cannibalizing ghouls? That kinda thing? So I was wondering if now he-”

 

Yomo walked out of the room, disappearing behind the shop’s ‘ _Employee Only_ ’ room.

 

“Wow, rude,” Hide muttered under his breath.

 

“He doesn’t remember me at all?” Touka inquired. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for him to know me again, or rather, who I was in the past. I’m fine with rebuilding our relationship from the ground up. After all, he works for the CCG now. He has other members in the CCG looking after him, and his own squad to mentor, to ‘teach’, he said. So do you. I saw your squad at the hospital before you joined them, visiting a CCG member, I believe. They’re not going to be our allies, Hide-san.”

 

It was Hide’s turn to frown.

 

“Touka, he knew you. You,Yoshimura-san, Yomo-san, all the other ghouls were the ones to take care of Kaneki when I had no power to do so. He’s not going to-”

 

“-Remember _any_ of that,” she interrupted. “I have to go see what Yomo is up to. Your coffee’s going to get cold, Hide-san.” Without a word, she left.

 

 _Good thing no one eats or drinks coffee at this time of the day, or there would be no one to take their order... Investigators eat lunch so late!_ Hide thought, awkwardly making his way back with his squad. He did say that it was going to be a quick conversation, but Touka didn't even bother to hear him out - and Yomo just left. Great people skills.

 

“Your coffee is cold now, not overcooked, hm.” Saiko said, calling him out on being away for so long.

 

“I know,” he grumbled back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Haise couldn’t get the feeling that something was wrong out of his mind. The squad was bantering back and forth about some TV show on last night and how disappointing the finale was, with Saiko almost screaming at Urie every now and then. Hide had been talking with Touka for a long time, and when he got back, he didn’t even have a new cup of coffee with him- he couldn’t have been just been talking about getting another cup of coffee. The two baristas had disappeared, replaced by two faces whom he had never seen before.

 

No, scratch that.

The short burly man with the pompadour and weird, circular nose was definitely familiar.

He swore he has seen him before, he knew his cheery yet mature voice, and the vibe he gave off wasn’t strange at all. His brown hair was curled, forming a shape unlike that of a bun at the top of his forehead, and the shape was similar to his nose. When he spoke to the black haired barista working away next to him, it was then that Haise recognized the face -

 

“Haise.”

 

While he was buried deep into his thoughts about how familiar the barista was - _Koma Enji_ , the same man that drove him home in his taxi that snowy night, that’s it! Why the hell did he give him his card? - the white haired man returned, plopped right in front of the Quinx squad. The members exchanged uncomfortable looks, all conversation stopping; Saiko being completely oblivious that this had happened before, Urie being indifferent to the obvious change in atmosphere. Hide looked the most shaken up, no doubt now that he was talking to the two earlier about something concerning the Quinx.

 

“Yomo-san, wh-”

 

“I have it. I’ve been saving this box for a while,” he said, carrying a large box in his arms, setting it on the ground. “Its contents are pretty...messed up - they’re not what they used to be -, but it’s the best I could do for you.” the man whom Hide called Yomo said. “Kane-”

 

“Yomo-san, please stop. Haise and I haven’t got around to talking about that yet,” Hide strained his usually cheerful voice as he talked, enunciating every word like it was hurting him to say it. For some reason, Haise thought it was cute, the way that Hide got worried over him. 

A pause.

Then,

 

“You shouldn’t open it now. I’d hate to rush you and your squad’s time at :RE, but the box contains more important things.” Yomo said, never taking his eyes off Haise the entire time. “I suggest that only you should look at the items inside.”

 

“A-ah, okay...Saiko, Mucchan, we’re going to go in ten minutes! This box looks like a lot of things are inside, I’d hate to have to pull an allnighter to look at it...haha…” Haise didn’t know why he was listening to this strange white haired man, since he was a customer here at :RE and he should be the one ordering him around. But he feels like it was always this way - perhaps something from his past life? Haise didn’t get what was so important about the box, but he would never understand unless he took a look at it tonight.

 

 

* * *

 

 

If Tokyo wasn’t so infested with ghouls, Shirazu would probably be working under the FBI as an undercover international spy, collecting enemy information. He has abused his enhanced hearing so, _so_ many times, and he suspects that Saiko is the same.

 

His squad mentor’s friend came up with the lamest excuses, and he knew that he didn’t have to get Touka to remake the cup of coffee. Her coffee was amazing, every time. _No exceptions_. He should’ve expected Hide to be this familiar with the baristas at :RE considering his past with Sassan, but it still filled him with a pang of jealousy when he found out. They had talked to each other so casually, and while he was listening to their conversation, the burning question he had for the blue haired barista was answered. She was visiting Hide when Hanbee-san had taken Shirazu and co to visit Shinohara-san, and when he was here at :RE before the Quinx got acquainted with the blond, that was also why they knew each other so well. _Of course._

 

Shirazu glanced over at his squad leader, slightly shaking as he stared at the plain cardboard box sealed shut with duct tape in front of him on the table. Hide was looking at the white haired barista weirdly, like he wanted to protest against the idea of Sassan keeping the box - perhaps it was dangerous? Perhaps this man wasn’t to be trusted? - but he kept his mouth shut, trying to keep a cheery vibe.

 

The rest of the squad however, didn’t even attempt to hide how nervous they were. Urie didn’t even keep his usual deadpan expression, looking rather excitedly at the box in front of his mentor, Saiko tried to send messages to Shirazu with her eyes - so she also listened in to the previous conversation ? - and Mutsuki tugged at the hem of his shirt, unclasping and clasping his fists every few seconds. All the tension was gone when the man called Yomo went back to the counter and Sassan went to pay the bill, and they left :RE with many questions in their heads.

 

Shirazu needs to find out what’s in that box.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Don’t open it in front of your squad, he said._

_I’ll open it wherever I want to, Yomo._

_No. Just kidding. I’m being completely sasarious right now though. I’m going to open it. Now. Now? Now._

_Okay. Okay. Calm down, Sasaki Haise. It’s not going to hurt you. There’s no explosives in it. I think. God. You’re an investigator. A ghoul investigator. You are trained in fighting and you think this tiny brown cardboard box will hurt you? No. It won’t. Just. Open it._

 

Haise took a deep breath, shaking his head furiously. He looked ridiculous, staring at the heavy box on his bed with such a seriously troubled expression. Good thing he was all by himself in his room, or else his squad would seriously think he had problems. Then again, they saw him go berserk twice, so it really shouldn’t be a problem for him anymore.

_Why are you so scared?_

**_I’m not._ **

_Then open it._

Starting to tear the messily slapped on tape off one of the sides with a satisfying rip, his breathing hitched faster and faster with each piece he removed. He was really good at this removing tape thing. Maybe Haise should quit being a ghoul investigator and make a living wrapping tape on boxes instead; he would certainly be better at it than Yomo. He got to the last side, before finding a label sticker that read Kaneki on the sides.

 

 _“Oh.”_ Realization hit him. Hard.

 

_“I have it. I’ve been saving this box for a while. Its contents are pretty...messed up - they’re not what they used to be -, but it’s the best I could do for you.”_

 

Haise thought about what Yomo said - about keeping the box for quite a while, its contents not what it used to be. And now seeing the label, Haise can piece together the clues pretty easily. Yomo looked at Haise like he knew him - which Haise now knows that he does - and if he did, before he turned into Haise without saying goodbye to the people whom he knew from his past life, then certainly some of them would have his belongings.

 

Hands trembling, he reached into the box. The touch of leather on his hand, the lingering traces of blood from who knows how long ago assaulting his nose. Bringing it out to take a closer look at it, he knew that it once was probably a fine piece of art. Now it was tattered, the leather shredded to pieces, the metal slightly rusted. Was this really one of my belongings? he thought. The sight of it sent chills down his back. Once he arranged the pieces together, it formed a mask, to his horror.

 

“This can show off your ghoul eye, which you keep hidden all the time.”

 

This was the mask he wore when he was still Kaneki Ken.

Haise wanted to throw it across the room, but he immediately felt guilty for some reason, and placed it back in the box. Rummaging through it again, he found several first edition Takatsuki Sen novels - whoa, he really had to thank his past self for that , - a note, some moldy sugar cubes ( what the hell? ) an eyepatch, and tucked on the inside of the eyepatch was a small piece of cardstock folded in two. That wasn’t as bad as Yomo made it out to be.

Haise was curious. Unfolding it, it was revealed that the paper was fairly new, and if he rubbed the ink, some parts of it still weren’t dried up and he could smudge it.

  
  


_“I would like to meet with you one day and have that proper conversation that we never had with our circumstances back then,”_ the card read. ‘ _Amon Koutarou.’_

 

“Amon Koutarou,” Haise said to himself. “Amon, huh. Why do I have a message from Amon.”

 

_I didn't want to kill him. So he's not dead._

 

It felt so familiar, like he’s heard of the name before, like he himself had said it not so long ago.

 

_Amon Koutarou saved you._

 

Haise knew then that he had to find this Amon Koutarou soon. His gut feeling told him that this enigma was once somebody he used to know. Sighing, Haise tucked the box under his bed, not wanting to see its contents ever again.

 

Except, maybe he would still keep the Takatsuki Sen novels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this took so long and it's kinda half-assed but  
> i don't know what to write anymore ahahah the new chapter of tgre KILLED ME  
> also im back in iwaoi hell so im going to work on other fics more ah  
> comments are appreciated!


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